megazeux rules special edition 2: the big game

by mono

location: a large stadium, somewhere near tucan's cave.

a large group of zzt'ers are assembled just outside the stadium doors. they are chanting something that vaguely sounds like "we want to play."  but then again, it could be "off with crus's head!" nevertheless, the crowd is restless.

many notable zzt'ers can be seen in the crowd, ranging from matt williams to darkmage to chronos30. somebody begins banging on the steel doors of the stadium. soon, they are all banging. on the doors. eventually, the door creaks open.

mono, dressed in a referee's uniform, walks out and blows a whistle.

<mono> teams, listen up!

<flatcoat lab> how do we listen down?

<mono> enh?

<flatcoat lab> nevermind.

*mono blinks

*everybody blinks.

<mono> ok. you are all here to play twenty four hours of zzt. this game will be rough. some of you won't make it.We shall fight in France.We shall fight on the seas and oceans. We shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. We shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing  grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills.  We shall never surrender!

<jconroy> (yelling from crowd) i hate you mono!

<mono> uh-huh. i'd like to introduce the judges.

*mono points to the doors, from which three people walk out.

<mono> the judges are, in no particular order, except for xf cause he sucks, are myth, kev vance, and xf!

*the crowd is silent.

*stargazer jumps onstage

<stargazer> mono is a 'leetist! he is only here to deceive you! follow me, and i will lead you to a better place!

*the crowd is still silent.

*stargazer walks offstage and through the crowd. nobody follows.

<stargazer> oh come on! you're making me look stupid!

*the crowd is silent

<stargazer> g'ah.

*he stomps away.

*the crowd turns their attention away from stargazer and back onstage to mono, who is wrestling with xf over the microphone.

*finally, xf gives up.

<mono> *ahem* as i was saying, this contest will last twenty four hours. currently, there are 26 teams. the judges will announce the topic just before the game starts. the game will start in 2 minutes. until then, ibrahim is here to serve double jolt expresso.

*the crowd quickly flows over to ibrahim, who is standing by the coffee machine.

<ibrahim> ack!

*the crowd flows over ibrahim, who was standing next to the coffee machine.

----the clock ticks----

*one minute and 45 seconds left

<nivek> aw c'mon! lets start this freakin' thing!

<mono> oh, alright. (to judges) judges, the topic?

<judges> . . .

<mono> judges?

<judges> . . .

<mono> JUDGES!

*the judges peak their heads out of the entrance doors.

<creator> yes?

<mono> were ready for the topic now.

<xf> we were supposed to think of a topic?

<CapnKev> uh-oh.

<xf> well, whatever creator picks is fine by me. i don't care.

<CapnKev> same here.

<creator> how about "night of the rabid nymphomaniac coed park rangers?"

<CapnKev> nah, thats more of an mzx topic.

<xf> yeah. it sucks. and i'm out of character.

<creator> hrm...how about just "night?"

<CapnKev> yeah, sure, whatever.

<xf> i guess. anyone have any cheezits?

<creator> (to mono) then the topic is "night."

<mono> (to crowd) ok, get whippin'! (under breath) whip it good.

<someone from crowd, presumably skullie> i heard that!

<mono> g'ah.

PART DOS

*the players have all broken up into their groups. now already an hour and a half into the game, most are deep in thought. except for team seven, hm, theyoda and tucan. they are running around trying to spy on other teams.

*theyoda walks slowly over to team 11, nivek and darkmage. hovering over them, darkmage notices him and quickly covers up his computer.

<darkmage> what are you doing?

<theyoda> uh-oh. (holds up walkie-talkie) red-alert! i've been spotted!

*the walkie talkie buzzes back: <hm> same here! chronos30 is chasing me with a screwdriver!

<theyoda> abort mission! abort! abort!

*meanwhile, myth is off in a corner of the stadium, drawing elaborate sketches and writing a very indepth plot. tucan sneaks up behind him, grabs a model of a space station, and begins to run away.

<myth> hey! come back with my mir!

*tucan continues running, laughing insanely.

<myth> oh well.

*myth puts an jackson-five eight track in his radio and begins to work even faster.

*back near team 7's design area:

*theyoda and hm are done spying, and now attempting to construct a game of their own. amazingly, it looks *just* like the game chronos30 is making.

*tucan runs up, holding the model under his arm. just as he approaches, he slams the model on the ground and does a dance a la superbowl shuffle.

*hm and theyoda stare at tucan.

<tucan> what?

<hm> what was that?

<tucan> my dance? that was a combination of the cabbage patch and riverdance, heavily influenced by the great dancer, barbara streisand.

<hm> nono. what did you throw on the ground?

*tucan looks at the ground, which is scattered with debris from the model.

<tucan> oh that? it was something myth was using for his project.

<theyoda> and now you've destroyed it.

<tucan> yep! (grinns and pats himself on the back)

*theyoda growls, and leaps upon tucan, repeatedly punching his face and pulling his eyelids.

<theyoda> you idiiiiot! we could have used that model for our game!

*theyoda continues punching tucan. hm shrugs, and goes back to working on the game.

Part Tres

*12 hours left.

*many people have fallen asleep.

Part Cuatro

*six hours left

Part Five

*with the little time remaining, all the remaining teams are trying to work as fast as they can to finish. breakout, ickis889, lord of chaos, h. matthew smith, mono, tucan, theyoda, hm, chronos30, nivek, darkmage, zzt98, no1dive, mz, flatcoat lab, myth, bongo79, Viper22643, Jeff Conroy, Goldenhog, Scribbit, Darthvagrant, AKNeutron, Cartera999, and newt are the only players left.

*the giant timer displayed in the middle of the field begins to beep.

<KevVance> (over microphone) there are 15 seconds left. hurry and wrap up your projects. xf will be waiting at the judges' booth to collect the entries.

<xf> huh?

<KevVance> 12 seconds left.

<mono> (somewhere in the stadium) nooooo!!!!!!!!!!! st00pid runtime errors!@#$!@#$!@#$!@#$

<nelson> (somewhere else in the stadium) ha-ha!

<KevVance> 8 seconds left.

<KevVance> 6 seconds.

<somebody> hey, what happened to 7?

<KevVance> just kidding. 7 seconds left.

*people are already lining up by xf, tossing their entries at him.

<KevVance> 3 seconds left

*the clock ticks.

<KevVance> two....

*tick

<KevVance> one.....

*tick

<KevVance> ok, game's over.

<KevVance> cartera999, i said the game is over.

*cartera continues working.

<KevVance> CARTERA999!

*cartera continues working.

<KevVance> g'ah.

*KevVance presses a button, and several men in contamination gear run in and stick cartera999 with needles loaded with heavy sedatives.

*cartera continues working

*the men attempt to gas him.

*cartera continues working.

*the men shoot cartera with nuclear weapons.

*cartera continues working.

<the men> g'ah.

*suddenly, the sky grows dark. cartera999 looks up, only to see his impending doom. tseng is falling, and heading right toward him.

<tseng> agh!!!!!!!!!!! more dobermans!!!!!!!!!!!

*cartera continues working.

*tseng lands a few inches away from cartera999, killing a nearby spectator.

<nelson> (somewhere from crowd) ha-ha!

*unfortunately, tseng's impact causes a small earthquake, which makes one of the stadium lights fall. the light lands directly on cartera999, killing him.

<KevVance> whew. it's about time. (in microphone) ok, i think we have all the entries now, you can all go home, and come back tomorrow for our decision.

*the crowd leaves.

Part Ten

*the next day, outside the stadium.

*again, the crowd is gathered, chanting something that sounds like "give us the results or die a thousand horrible deaths because we will defenestrate your mothers and then gouge out your eyeballs while feeding your severed limbs to the members of digital glass," but then again it could be "megazeux rules sucks."

*after much chanting, the entrance doors creak open. KevVance walks out, and begins to speak on the microphone.

<KevVance> well, we haven't really played the games, but we decided the winners are myth, bongo79 and mz. goodbye.

*KevVance walks back through the doors, and closes them.

*stargazer jumps onstage

<stargazer> see? i told you! the game was rigged! three of the 'leetist scum were the winners! now, follow me for a REAL ga--

*somebody shoots stargazer.

*the crowd leaves.

****end****

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