megazeux rules: special edition

by mono


at the megazeux excellence awards:

*thousands of zzt/mzx'ers are seated in a large stadium. mattw is on stage, announcing the next award. piman and guyver are seated in the front row, talking loudly.

<mattw> ...and now, the next award.

*he pauses. he looks at piman and guyver.

<mattw> *ahem*

*piman and guyver continue talking.

*matt gets ready to blink.

*piman and guyver continue talking.

*matt blinks.

*nothing happens.

<mattw> dang. it worked when janson did it.

*piman and guyver continue talking.

*someone picks tseng up from his seat and throws him at piman and guyver, killing them both.

<tseng> (stands up) cool! i didn't die!

*tseng sits down. unfortunately, he sits in multi's empty seat. when multi returns from the restroom, he angrily kills tseng.

<mattw> ...anyway. the next award is for "best new game." the nominees are: Ibrahim, for "darkness ][."

*mattw stands silently, tapping his foot & repeatedly staring at the watch.

*darkmage runs onstage, and hands an envelope to mattw.

*mattw opens the envelope.

<mattw> ...and the winner is...........................ibrahim, for "darkness ][!"

*ibrahim walks onstage, smiling and waving to nobody in particular.

*mattw hands ibrahim a small nude statue.

<ibrahim> ew! (drops statue)

*ibrahim walks up to the podium and begins his acceptance speech.

<ibrahim> thank you! i wouldn't have been able to do any of this without the help of my good friend, mz. and he's gay.

*everyone gasps, and turns to look at mz.

*mz gets up and silently walks out of the stadium.

<mattw> ok, the next award is for "best website." the nominees are: mattw, for mworld; myth, for his website with the stupid name; monthigos, for the sivion page; and mz, for megazealot: links!"

<mono> (stands up) jessaminute here. i have a few problems with these nominees. for one thing, everyone nominated are also judges. another thing, megazealot: links isn't really a website, and yadayadayada....

<myth> (//thwacks mono) shut up elvis. you're just jealous because you weren't nominated.

<mono> i'm not elvis!@#$!@#%

*darkmage runs on stage and hands the envelope to mattw. matt opens the envelope. inside, the letter reads "the winner is monthigos. this letter will self destruct in five minutes."

*matt hands the letter back to darkmage. darkmage leaves.

<mattw> and the winner is............matt williams, for mworld!

*mattw hands the nude statue to himself.

<mattw> ew! (drops statue)

*mattw walks up to the podium to give his acceptance speech. offstage, there is an explosion.

<mattw> i'd like to thank everyone who made this possible. mainly, myself. scott hammack sucks. thank you.

*as matt is walking away from the podium, a helicopter flies in and lands in the middle of the stadium. pcc sylva and pca jon walk out. pcc sylva steps up to the podium.

<pcc sylva> helloooooooooooooooooo sacramento!

*everyone> . . .

<pcc sylva> (grabs microphone) you might be wondering why we crashed your little "party" here.

<pca jon> yeah!

<pcc sylva> and you might be wondering why i'm with pca jon!

<pca jon> yeah!........actually, i'm wondering that too.

<pcc sylva> well, we've come to tell you that unless we receive one million dollars by the end of the night, you little friend crus will die!

*rumbling among the crowd. everyone starts clapping.

<pcc sylva> no!!!!!!! didn't you hear me? crus will die!

<guyver> (yelling from audience) good! we don't like him anyway!

<pcc sylva> (thinks for a minute) ....well then....i'll personally close down anything having to do with zzt or megazeux!

<pca jon> yeah!

<everyone> gasp!

<pcc sylva> nyahahahaha. ha. you have until 9 pm.

<capnkev> no! make it 11!

<pcc sylva> sorry. i have to be home in time to watch seinfeld.

*she sneers as she climbs back into the departing helicopter.

*the helicopter leaves.

<pca jon> hey! wait for me! (runs off in the direction the helicopter is flying)

*mattw walks reluctantly up to the microphone.

<mattw> so what are we gonna do? we have exactly 3 hours and 27 minutes.

*everyone talks amongst themselves. there is a collective shrug.

-----3 hours later-----

<jdmsonic> (stands up) hey! i thought of something!

<bob barker> c'mon down!!

*jdmsonic gets up and walks to the stage. he grabs the microphone.

<jdmsonic> dang. i forgot.

*jdm leaves.

*the helicopter returns. pca sylva walks out. pca jon follows, holding a rather large remote control.

*pcc sylva yells into the microphone.

<pcc sylva> show me the money!

*mattw giggles (he walks up to pca sylva)

<mattw> we took up a collection. here. (hands money to pcc sylva)

<pcc sylva> (counts money) there's only 42 dollars here!

<mattw> we coudn't come up with a million dollars.

<pcc sylva> (angrily, with an english accent) sorry. a toll is a toll. and a roll is a roll. and if we don't get no tolls, we don't get no rolls. (she snatches the large remote control from pca jon)

<pca jon> hey! i was playing tetrinet!

<pcc sylva> (to audience) (yelling) (in-a-gaK-sorta-way) everyone, please focus your attention to the large video screen.

*everyone turns their collective heads, collectively.

*pcc sylva presses a button. on the screen, a picture of the aol building is shown. zoom in. the screen now shows the 27th floor of the aol building. (more specifically, the zzt/mzx offices). she presses another button. the entire 27th story collapses, leaving the 28th sitting on top of the 26th.

<pcc sylva> see? no more zzt/mzx! nyahahahahahaha!

*she presses another button. the #megazeux building is shown.

*she laughs. annoyingly.

*just as she is about to press another button and destroy the world as most mzx'ers know it, a small biplane flies overhead. someone jumps out, and lands on pcc sylva.

*he takes off his mask, to reveal himself as mz.

<mz> i'm not gay!

*mz grabs the remote from her hand. he presses a button. on the screen, a picture of pcc sylva is shown. he presses another button.

*she explodes.

<pca jon> ohmylanta! you killed pcc sylva!

*pca jon screams and runs out of the stadium. outside of the stadium, he is trampled by a herd of yaks.

<yapokjr> whoops.

*mattw walks to the microphone.

<mattw> well, THAT was fun. see you next year!

*he blinks. nothing happens.

<mattw> dang!

***end***

<tseng> (stands up) cool! i didn't die!

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