act eight: "a repeal of death"

by mono


at the megazeux rules offices:

*myth slams open the entrance door. he angrily walks down a long hallway, past the secretary, and into a room where several bearded men wearing turbans are playing tetris on an old apple //e computer.

<myth> (shouting) WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?!

<bearded men wearing turbans> we are the eggmen.

<waka> i am the waka. goo goo ga joob.

<myth> are you the writers of megazeux rules?

<bearded men wearing turbans> ooh. "writer" is such a harsh word. we prefer "literature pennists."

<inmate> ew!

<first writer> no. pennists.

<inmate> hey...whatever floats your boat.

<second writer> anyway, how can we help you?

<myth> bring back barney!

<writers> no.

<myth> please?

<writers> oh, alright. we were getting tired of people prank calling us anyway.

*one of the writers presses a button marked "barney." Almost instantly, barney the girl appears standing next to mono. except something is different now. her hair floats mysteriously around her head. her eyes glow an eerie green. amazingly, she seems to be levitating.

<barney> rebmuls lanrete reh morf yenrab elbaemrepmi eht denonmus htah ohw?

<inmate> b'eh. "yenrab."

*yenrab opens her mouth to reveal a four-foot flaming tongue.

<mono> ew!

*she licks mono. mono's face catches on fire.

<mono> AUGH!@#%!@$%!!#$^!#$^!!!!!#$^!@#$^!#%^&

<myth> (to writers) thank you. you've done a good thing. i think.

*yenrab licks the writers. they fall over, dead.

*inmate grabs yenrab by the hand and leads her outside the room, and back into the long hallway. at that moment, tseng crashes through the roof, and lands on yenrab, killing them both.

<mono> (on fire) bwah.

<waka> it's...ah, screw it.

*the flaming corpses of the writers ignites the pans of oil laying haphazardly around the office floor.

<myth> well, if we can't have barney back, lets at least get a replacement for her!

<waka> yeah! to the megazeux rules soundstage!

<inmate> where is it?

<myth> i dunno.

<waka> to the secretary!

*the group leaves. behind them, the office blows up. they walk down the long hallway, and back to the secretary's desk. they all stare at the secretary. the secretary, looking rather irritated, stares back. this goes on for a while. finally, someone speaks.

<mono> *ahem*

<secretary> what?

<mono> we want a room.

<secretary> this isn't a hotel.

<mono> (looks at surroundings) are you sure?

<secretary> quite.

<mono> someone get me a script!

*someone hands mono a script. mono reads the script.

<mono> oh......i thought we were still in the palace of love!

<secretary> uh huh.

<mono> i did.

<secretary> whatever.

<mono> I  DID, YOU FOOL!

<secretary> ok.

<mono> how would you like a big metal hoobajoob shoved in your pants?

<secretary> like you said, this isn't the palace of love.

<mono> well, uh....(reads script)....we need to find the megazeux rules soundstage.

<secretary> it's right behind me.

*mono, inmate, waka & myth all look behind the secretary. a door is behind him, marked "megazeux rules soundstage."

<myth> wow.

*they open the soundstage door, and walk in.

<waka> (to secretary) tell the applicants to come to the soundstage.

<secretary> applicants?

<waka> d'oh! we forgot to advertise for a replacement for barney!  oh well, send in whoever comes to your desk...

***end***

<myth> wow.

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