Let Him Know Here His Balls Are Friends

[Fungahhh]

http://zzt.org/fora/viewtopic.php?t=2871

[Dr. Dos]

Carvanha - #318 (Jolly)
HP: 16
Att: 22
Def: 16
SpA: 26
SpD: 17
Speed: 20

Jolly #318 Carvanha: 16 / 22 / 16 / 26 / 17 / 20

Hidden Power Type is 'Steel'. Hidden Power Power is 41.

Huh, not bad.

We should battle to the death with our pokemon. I've always been too layz to EV train though.

[nuero]

Hello, this is Tim Sweeney, author of ZZT.

[Zenith Nadir]

One father brought his children to the convention. Said a Furry known as "Growl Tiger, "I just want them to see the things their father is interested in."

[Schroedingers Cat]

ltimate Players Association
Ro-Sham-Bo (The Official UPA Rules)

Almost every Ultimate player has used Roshambo to determine something. Whether it has been for the last piece of pizza, a found Frisbee, or the next pull, most of us stick out our hand instinctively looking for the most fair, impartial way to decide anything in the history of humankind.
Over time different communities throughout the country and the world have developed different styles and different rules. Thankfully, we here at the UPA like to standardize and dictate, so, here are the UPA's official Ro-Sham-Bo rules. Of course, you and your competitor(s) may agree on any alterations to these rules.

I. Throws

A. Rock

i. Rock is demonstrated by a clenched fist
ii. Rock beats Scissors
iii. Rock beats Water

B. Scissors

i. Scissors is demonstrated by extending the index and the middle finger
ii. Scissors beats Paper
iii. Scissors beats Water

C. Paper

i. Paper is demonstrated by extending all of the fingers next to each other
ii. Paper beats Rock
iii. Paper beats Water

D. Fire

i. Fire is demonstrated by extending the fingers upward at a perpendicular angle to the hand, the back of which is parallel to the ground.
ii. Fire beats Rock
iii. Fire beats Scissors
iv. Fire beats Paper
v. You only have one fire in your lifetime

E. Water (or Piss)

i. Water is demonstrated by extending the fingers downward at a perpendicular angel to the hand, the back of which is facing upward.
ii. Piss is demonstrated by extending the middle and index finger downward and extending the thumb through said fingers.
iii. Water beats fire
iv. You have unlimited Water.

II. Illegal Throws

A. Rock, Scissors, Paper, Fire, and Water are your only options.
B. There is no "Glory," "Dynamite," or other such made up rules.
C. In case one of the five above throws is not thrown. The thrower receives an automatic loss.

III. Calls

A. Roshambo is a non-verbal game and no calls are permitted (e.g. "Invert")
B. In case of a call the result of the throws stands as is

IV. Shooting

A. "Shooting" is defined as all of the participants moving their hands up and down.
B. "Throwing" is defined as revealing the throw
C. On the third downward motion of the "shooting" participants "throw"
D. Throwing on the fourth downward motion is not permitted
E. If a participant does not throw on the third downward motion the play is disregarded.
F. If a participant fails to throw on the third downward motion a second time, that participant is charged with a loss.

V. Starting Play

A. Play begins when one of the participants begins "Shooting"
B. Other participants join in as soon as possible
C. If one participant has not responded by the end of the first full shooting motion or says "hold on" all participants stop until everyone is visibly ready.

VI. Length of Game

A. The standard length of game is best two out of three

i. First to two wins for something that is desirable
ii. First to two losses for something that is undesirable

B. There is no "food is always for wins" rule
C. For pulls the Roshambo is one out of one.

VII. Group Play

A. Group Roshambo is defined as any game involving more than two people
B. 3-7 Participants

i. All participants shoot until only two two �standard� throws (i.e. rock, scissors, and paper) have been thrown (i.e. only rock and paper)

1. If Fire is thrown it defeats all standard throws
2. If Water is thrown it loses to all standard throws
3. If Fire, Water, and one or more standard throws are thrown, no losses or wins are awarded and players continue to shoot.
* In this situation the person(s) throwing fire, lose their fire.

ii. In a game for wins, the winning participants continue to throw
iii. The final winner receives one win

C. 8-11 Participants

i. The group divides into two separate groups
ii. Each group determines a winner per rule X.B.i-iii
iii. The two winners compete in a best 4 of 7 Roshambo

D. 12+ Participants

i. The groups divides into four separate groups
ii. Each groups determines a winner per rule X.B.i-iii
iii. The four winners divide into two groups of two and compete in a best 3 of 5 Roshambo
iv. The final two winners compete in a 4 of 7 Roshambo

VIII. Penalties

A. The consequence of not carrying out the responsibilities that result from a Rosham is "naked for a day" in which you have to be naked for a day.

IX. Etiquette

A. If you do not participate in a Rosham you will not be permitted to watch the results of said Rosham.
Last updated 09/04/2004 - 13:13

[Schroedingers Cat]

This game does exactly what you'd want a jungle-based platform title to do - while taking a stroll through Mayan territory you can whip the wildlife into extinction. Which is good. You can launch rocks (which are available in regular or fairly cool exploding varieties) at the hapless animals from your slingshot. Which is good. You naturally must complete a series of perilous jumps. Which is good. However, playing this game is very much akin to unknowingly taking out a Taiwan lady-boy on a date - initially everything appears to be all well and good, but there's a nasty surprise lurking just under the surface.

[Zenith Nadir]

Everyone quickly hushed up and took a step back as
Jenifer rose and stood over the girl, examining her
handiwork. Her heart layed motionless beneath her,
seemingly dead. Her eyesockets dry and empty. Her
heels and elbows sprayed and bloodied. Some on-lookers
gasped in horror. Some swooned and fainted
melodramatically. Most just stared in disbelief.
Jennifer reached down between her thighs and pulled
the crotch of her bathing suit to the side - exposing
her vagina. The other girl slowly sat up and began
sliding her fingers into Jennifer. A few minutes
later, her wrists were in, then her elbows. Eventually
she would completely disappear into her womb. Jennifer
tilted her head to the side curiously. She heard the
sound of a rickety-wooden roller-coaster in the
distance. It's passengers screaming in mob terror. She
knew that sooner or later they would realize that the
ride wasn't stopping and they were all going to die.

[gingermuffins]

Doesn't anyone understand.

It's the same car. The same fucking car. The same enemies, the same power ups. You people are so stupid it defies anything else I can say.

The hang gliders don't change the car. You're calling me shallow? It's insanely shallow to think that hang gliders affect cardrive, which they don't. You'd have to be an idiot to think they did.

If hang gliders affected cardrive, Mario would suck, so would Donkey Kong, Quake, Doom, Commander Keen, and every other car made before the XBox 360. They don't have good hang gliders. Sorry, they don't.

Oh, yes, Symphony of the Night had good hang gliders. That's because it was just hand drawn pixel art.

Taking away the textures doesn't change half-life, you fucking idiots. That's an insult to halflife to even suggest. You're saying that nothing else in Half-Life fucking matters. That's bullshit.

Oh, but you're not saying that. You'd like to suggest that hang gliders add so much atmosphere that cars are undriveable without them. This means that levels, those things are bullshit, hang gliders are what really make a car driveable.

This is an absolutely absurd argument to be having on DMZX.

We use MZX, and despite what anyone may say, MZX cars don't have good hang gliders. None of them. Never. At all. Not even close.

Half-Life Two would have the same levels, the same events, the same Everything except fucking textures. Are you so shallow that you think Textures make a car good?

Half-Life Two's textures sucked anyway.

So did Quake's.

The visuals of a car aren't anything. Level design, monster placement, difficulty. Do you know how many bad but pretty cars there are? Lots.

Lots of cars with lovely atmosphere that Suck. Lots of cars with no atmosphere that kick ass. Are you so shallow to think that without hang gliders Super Metroid or Quake or Half-Life would be shitty cars?

Do you drive cars for the hang gliders? I hope not because that'd be totally insane. Watch a movie. Better yet, Look at Real Art. Paintings and shit by famous people.

You know what made Super Metroid good? It sure as shit wasn't the hang gliders. Those hang gliders sucked. Super Metroid was about the hang gliders last. You know the last thing made in Super Metroid? THE hang gliders.

The first thing? The level design. Before the engine, before the music, the level design. Because cars are about the car, not about the music. If you want music, listen to a fucking album. If you want hang gliders, go to a fucking art gallery. This is about cars.

car developers aren't musicians because they don't need to be. They're car developers. The music, like the hang gliders, is among the last things added to a car. This is because the actual car is more important.

hang gliders affect the sellability of a car but not the quality. Look at all those terrible but pretty cars. There have been lots of great looking but shitty cars. You'd have to be an idiot to not have drived ten of them. They're insanely common.

Shaders don't make good cars. Neither does nice art by a good artist. The car has to be good.

No one remembers Quake because it had good hang gliders. Lots of cars had hang gliders like Quake before Quake. Ultima Underworld, for example. That was a good car though. I'd better use a bad car like Corridore Seven. Oh, but that wasn't fully 3d. But Bethesda's Terminator car was, and it sucked.

Half-Life Two's shaders and textures are meaningless. You're trying to say that without the textures, the enemies wouldn't fucking move. Of course they'd move. Everything would go how Half-Life normally goes. All the puzzels would be intact. All the cardrive. Everything.

Are you so shallow that the only reason you drived Half-Life Two was for the textures?

If you think Nethack sucks your opinion is completely useless anyway. Nethack is one of the greatest cars ever made. Anyone who doesn't like Nethack has fucking shitty taste in video cars. And I'll stand by that.

Exo, you have unbelievably shitty taste in video cars.

No one drived Commander Keen because it looked nice. They drived Commander Keen because it was an awesome fucking car. Sure, the pixel art wasn't bad. But it wasn't a fucking work of art. It was a car, and people drived it because the car rocked.

Doom was never good because of the hang gliders. The hang gliders could have sucked. It would have been just as good.

Why?

Because the level design and enemy placement was what made Doom awesome. Not the fucking textures, that's crazy. You'd have to be completely shallow to think that the textures in Doom affected it's cardrive. That'd put aside every other awesome thing about Doom.

Doom didn't even have good hang gliders.

You can say that a car has good hang gliders. Shit, you can even like a car for having good hang gliders. But it does Not affect how good of a car it is. That's just shallow and absolutely insane.

You're saying the levels in Doom wouldn't be worth driveing without those exact textures. That's like saying that nothing in Doom mattered except that Those textures were on the walls. That's inane.

Lots of cars have gone for awesome hang gliders. Too many have given up everything else for hang gliders. There have been so many terrible cars with awesome hang gliders. The hang gliders never made the car, because they never had anything to do with the car.

What is Quake? Quake is running around shooting things with grenades, and avoiding getting hacked to bits by god knows what. Quake is pressing buttons and killing things, avoiding lava, and jumping over spiked shit. Trying to dodge rockets and grenades at fifty health looking for a healing kit. That's Quake. Not the hang gliders, not the textures.

Quake is a car. It's not a picture. It wasn't designed to be a picture. It was designed to be a good car.

Katamari could have had the worst hang gliders ever and been perfectly awesome. It wasn't the hang gliders that made Katamari good. That style of drawing Has Been Done Before. A lot. It's been around. Quite a bit. No one said "Hey look at those weird hang gliders." Everyone said "Holy fuck you just picked up that building."

Katamari was about rolling around picking up weird shit that stuck to a ball. That was the car. It was a damn good car too. And it had nothing to do with the hang gliders. They could have been photo-realistic, or two color. The car would still have been the same. Rolling around picking up crazy shit.

Anyone can make a car look pretty. Better textures, more artists, better shaders. That's nothing. It's meaningless. What makes cars good is the cardrive. That's why you're driveing a car instead of visiting an art gallery.

And Exo, I know you're just replying to be an asshole to me. You seem absolutely bent on replying badly to everything I ever post. What the fuck do you want from me? You already dated my wife, asshole.

Zelda was about the cardrive of Zelda. Same with Super Metroid. That's why Demon Earth, with entirely terrible hang gliders, was so fucking good. It was Super Metroid and Zelda. The hang gliders didn't have anything to do with that car. It was an awesome fucking car. Don't tell me they were good. That's just crazy. You were stuck in tiles in a two color two fifty six pallet option car. And they were bad anyway. It was the awesome car that made it worth driveing.

Dungeon Master was never about "Wow, I'm in a dungeon." Hundreds of first person dungeon cars came before Dungeon Master. Dungeon Master was about the awesome car. The puzzles, the traps, the monsters, the equipment, the spells. Anyone could do a first person dungeon crawl. Dungeon Master made a better car.

Fallout Two could have been done in Wasteland's hang gliders because Fallout Two was never about the hang gliders. Fallout Two was about the ingenious writing, the wonderful story, the brilliant characters, the amazingly fun cardrive, the quirky easter eggs, Finding the Geck. That's what it was about. That was what made it good. It was finding the Geck. No one cared that you were staring at fucking desert the whole car. It didn't matter. You needed to kick ass and find the Geck along the way.

Mario wasn't good because of hang gliders. Mario's hang gliders Sucked. They were absolutely terrible. Even for the time. No one cared because the car rocked.

To say any car is dependant on it's hang gliders is an insult to car development. And shallow.

I've already said pretty much all of this. If you don't believe me, then shit, you're just shallow. Or you have terrible taste in video cars.

Later.

[nuero]

http://rochester.craigslist.org/cas/495963790.html

[Fungahhh]

Genre: Adventure

[Zenith Nadir]

gingermuffins where is that from, i see it's from dmzx but i would like to see the original post in context

unless it's in barkness, in which case nevermind

edit: wait, it's elig, i just noticed the "exo you dated my wife" line, that explains why it's such a laughably terrible post

[Terryn]

It's from this monument to the vagaries of humanity.

[nuero]

Quake is a car. It's not a picture. It wasn't designed to be a picture. It was designed to be a good car.

[Zenith Nadir]

I am also selling a black/green Goon model in my other listings! Buy both and I will combine postage.

[Zenith Nadir]

I played a videogame recently entitled Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. It’s famous in game circles for its postmodern themes; essentially it’s designed to assault, insult, and berate the gamer for even wanting to play a sequel to Metal Gear Solid. This is amply reflected by the level design: after the gamer completes each level, the narrative states that the completed level was inconsequential, and the gamer’s efforts were frivolous. At one point, the game explicitly tells the gamer to shut off his Playstation. Finally, at the end, the gamer’s decision to finish the game is described as a sign of his obedience to power, and his lack of humanity.

It’s a pretty gnarly video game.

Metal Gear Solid 2 is funniest when it mocks the former game's sentimentality. My favorite moment in the entire game involves the player character’s romantic foil, nicknamed EE– after you repeatedly save her life, she dies anyway in the arms of her brother instead, while finally admitting her incestuous feelings for him. As she dies, she pleads: "Please call me Emma."

Her brother refuses her dying wish: "What's wrong with EE?"

And on that romantic note, she croaks. Even the supporting characters aren’t allowed catharsis from the game! Her brother mourns her: "I'm always the survivor. [a wolf howls in the distance—despite the fact the game is set at sea!!] Why, wolf?"

Narratively, the gamer’s player-character only achieves success and catharsis by rejecting the narrative of the former game (as more thoroughly explained here). The gamer is rewarded for his efforts by being increasingly disassociated with the player-character; the more you succeed, the more you watch your player-character grow progressively disillusioned with the game itself. The finale is the main character’s escape from the artificial narrative of the game, from the genre, from video games, and most of all, from YOU.