The Official z2 Survival Guide - DOS LAYS DOWN THE LAW

Broken hearts, busted heads.

Moderator: Buddha

Post Reply
User avatar
Dr. Dos
Posts: 1772
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2003 12:00 am
Location: Washington

The Official z2 Survival Guide - DOS LAYS DOWN THE LAW

Post by Dr. Dos »


I'm Dr. Dos, a victim of circumstance who now <s>"owns" z2</s> THINGS. This means I have to act like I'm doing things in order to make it a better place for everybody. <s>Lately we've had lots of people like YOU join.</s> New guys who found this little thing called ZZT and thought FINALLY I CAN MAKE GAMES WITHOUT LEARNING COMPLEX LANGUAGES SUCH AS BASIC. The problem is most of you people generally fail at fitting in which makes us hostile and hate you.

This makes us sad.

I'm hoping this simple guide will help you figure out what's going on and whether or not you should step foot on z2 other than for downloading/reviewing/uploading games.


This is the downfall of many people. "Hey guys whatever happened to this Tseng guy I heard of?!" "he got aids and died" "THAT'S TERRIBLE!" "ahahaha i'm kidding" "YOU MONSTER!".

If you can't detect sarcasm then uh either stalk the boards or just avoid them. This helps make you not look like an idiot! If somebody says something and you think THEY CAN'T BE SERIOUS here's a hint; they aren't serious.


This usually goes along with rule #1. Do not expect us to give you hugs and kisses. Z2 is not a land composed of rainbows and unicorns. It is composed of furry porn, goatse, and friendlification. We don't like you. Chances are we won't. Find out what makes people idiots. Find out what makes people awesome. If you think WHAT THAT SHOULDN'T MAKE YOU AWESOME then go away. UNLESS YOU CONFORM, LIKE ROBOT. CONFORMITY MAKES WORLD STRONG.


You have no credibility yet. "I've been zzting since 1992 but just found the community last week!" Yeah, whatever. "lol hey guyz watz up. i'm 22 and found zzt and itz kewl. you're games are neat and i wil make sum 2!" Honestly if you're actually like 8 years old you probably shouldn't be on these boards! We're very naughty! But if you want to be feel free, but don't lie. People who actually are older/wiser/smarter/better than you can see through any lies you may try to spin. This also includes you being a master programmer who we never heard of. Also we don't need your musical/graphic/comedy services. If we do we'll ask.

RULE NUMBER 4: WE run the site. You don't.

We are going to swear. We are going to offend you. We will say 'fuck' and 'shit'. Some of us will get drunk or high and post. We are going to laugh at the person who tells us to find Jesus in our hearts. We are going to, in general, do as we please. We will be biased. If you're new and cry about your avatar being changed either ignore it, or simply change it back. Contact Quantum P. if you keep having problems with the staff. He will give us a talking to and won't let us watch TV. :(

RULE NUMBER 5: What's a ZZT?

Many of us on the staff and regular members barely touch ZZT. The community and ZZT and not very related. This greatly applies to #idiots-club should you feel like coming on IRC. If you want to talk about ZZT on the boards feel free. Don't go in #idiots-club asking for programming help as we'll probably laugh. (Although I'm a nice guy and will probably help you, but I'll laugh too!). If you live in a horrible timezone around Australia or something you may get lucky and catch one of z2's mothers who will really help you. The boards aren't ZZT-tastic either. Don't-- in fact that'll be the next rule;

RULE NUMBER 6: Train crash.

Don't bitch when you make a topic about how to use player clones to your advantage and the topic ends up about Funky's love of dogs. It happens. A lot of threads will derail like this. HOWEVER, if it derails before your question is answered then yeah you can complain. Again, The Mom Collective will help you.


Speak ENGLISH. And I mean using YOU instead of U. The majority of us are american or british meaning we know this wonderful language. FSFunky is DUTCH. He speaks GIBBERISH. I don't want him to speak english better than somebody like you who's been speaking it for pretty much your whole life. This is in the rules actually and I suggest you follow it. Don't think if you misuse you're and your you'll be banned, but it does make you look less than intellectual. Even I fuck up sometimes but I tend to notice right away and cover up before it's too late! That's what the edit button is for. Don't be ashamed of editing your posts, everyone does it.

RULE NUMBER 8: Emotion Locomotion

Our emoticons are not little smiley faces. They are strange yes, and may confuse you, but that's ok. You don't have to use them. We are aware they take a long time to load at first and tend to block the posting area (about 15% of the posting area is right on the screen on an 800x600 resolution). On 1280x1024 there's no scrolling at all, however a rare and elusive staff member known as Benco says he knows how to make the SHOW EMOTICONS button appear. The option is normally there but not for us. I don't know these things. Until then put up with it.

RULE NUMBER 9: Go away peacefully

Ok. Maybe z2 just isn't for you. That's cool. Avoiding the forums and irc like the plague doesn't mean you can't make games and upload them. We understand many people don't share our odd interests. Your experience has been UNPLEASANT to say the least. You hate Nadir and MadTom and me and Mooseka and Gofer. Ok then, just go. Don't cry and cry about how you hate us and you're leaving forever and we're never going to see that amazing zzt game that we didn't care about that you've been working on since you found zzt in 1984. Leave. Maybe a year later we'll wonder WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT GUY but other than that it'll be like you were never here. This is a mirrored example of what not to do. Some people haven't realized this, but when we ban you, this bans you from uploading your games.

RULE NUMBER 10: Laugh it off

Z2 is a big scary place with fur bearing monsters and other scary creatures. When we insult you the best thing to do is ignore it or go along with it a bit. A perfect example of this is Druss and Kjorteo. When Kjorteo joined it was all LA LA LA HOW ARE YOU THIS FINE DAY and such. Then we noticed he had a uh... a horrifying website. We pointed this out and laughed at it. His official response? NOTHING. He didn't care. He didn't take it personally and accuse of us being close minded idiots. This is why Kjorteo is z2's #1 furry. Druss also had a pathetic website. We pointed this out and laughed at it. His official response was to call us all FAILED ABORTIONS (this hurts Druss) and cry about how we're the dumb ones and that if we don't like his website we shouldn't go on it and, uh, that was the closest thing to a valid point he made in his lifetime. In fact we have a mirror of that too HERE. We archive failure! We won't forget it. It's best to just LAUGH.

RULE #11: Who controls the past controls the future, who controls the present controls the past

You read the sagas! You played the old community themed games! Why it's just like you were with us in #darkdigital! That's great! Too bad it's not 1999 anymore. Your knowledge of the past is useless and only makes you look like an idiot unless you were around for that. So leave your GREEN IS EVIL back in the 20th century. This is the FYOOOOOOOOOOTURE. We have flying cars here.

RULE #12: Gay! Furry! Autistic! Retarded! Or a love of dickgirls!


:ler: former fundie
Zaphod current fatty
:freud: MadTom is buddhist psychologist
:adomisfreewareyoudontneedacrackorserialnumbertopl Nadir is hardcore
:keen: Flimsy is insane

I hope somebody reads this and learns something. IT WILL MAKE MY DAY.
Visit the Museum of ZZT
Follow Worlds of ZZT on Twitter

Apologies for the old post you may have just read.

Post Reply