And let's face it, fellas, ZZTers aren't really the most eligible bachelors in the dating pool. Unless, like, you're herc or something. Herc is sexy as hell.
:ler: Zaphod :drussrox:
Need I say more?
So, as the ZZT Community's official casanova, I have decided to write this guide to help you, the reader, score chicks.
Yes, dear virgin, you too can score chicks.
So lets get to it immediately.
CHAPTER ONE: ZZT
This is perhaps the most important point in getting women attracted to you. DO NOT TELL YOUR ROMANTIC INTEREST ABOUT ZZT. It doesn't matter if she's a nerd chick, it doesn't matter if she's in to DOS games, it doesn't even matter if she's ACTIVELY EXPRESSING INTEREST IN DOS GCSES FROM 1991 CREATED BY EPIC MEGAGAMES, do NOT reveal the existence of ZZT. Just don't do it. Let us look at a simulated situation in which this can blow up in your face.
Let's say Billy has a girl over his house, and they're at the computer, because they both happen to like computers.
Girl: Ooh, what's this folder, ZZT?
Billy: Oh, that's ZZT, an old program that lets you make your own games! I've made several games, myself. See, check this out, the little smiley goes around, talking to people. Anyone can make games in ZZT! It's easy!
Girl: Oh, uh, cool?
Billy: Yeah, it's got a good community following, too!
Girl: Yeah... I see...
Billy: Wanna make out?
Girl: I'm leaving. You're boring.
What should Billy have done?
Girl: Ooh, what's this folder, ZZT?
Billy: I keep system files in there. It's nothing
Girl: Oh. Okay. Wanna make out?
Billy:
So, you see, ZZT is to girls as acids are to bases. They just don't mix. Unless she's Kracken, in which case she's just an anomaly, which probably isn't very likely.
CHAPTER TWO: Your standards and you
You really like this one girl. You like her a lot! In fact, you like her so much that all you can do all day is stare at her and think about how great it would be to be with her. She's smart, funny, attractive, and is interesting to talk to. If you could just touch her hand for half a second, you would be happy for the rest of your life.
The problem? She won't acknowledge your existence, or, even worse, she considers you a "good friend."
So, what's a ZZTer to do?
LOWER YOUR DAMN STANDARDS. You're no prize yourself, jerk. You still play games from over ten years ago, and you're probably a fucking furry. So take your boner away from little Ms. Perfect Chick 2000 for a second and notice Homely Holly, who's been following your trail like a bloodhound on meth for three months now. Truth is that there's probably some girl who's been eyeing you for a while who would like nothing better than to reach in to your pants and infinitely please any appendage she might find down there. The chick who keeps looking at you weird? The girl who won't stop bothering you on AIM? The girl who just keeps fucking FOLLOWING you or wants you to HANG OUT with her or something weird like that? THAT MEANS SHE LIKES YOU FUCKNUTS. So what if she's a couple pounds overweight, or if she has hairy arms, or if she looks like she's cracked out all the time? It's like getting a job, you can't get the good jobs until you have experience. So get out there, sow your seeds, all that crap.
CHAPTER THREE: Dollin' yourself up.
So, the only interesting thing about you happens to be the fact that you once stayed up for 72 hours straight and spent 71 of them on the computer. Well, then, the solution? GET MORE INTERESTING. A new hobby, habit, or strange bodily injury will probably get you noticed by something, be it a dream girl or another belt notch. For instance, let's take another look at Billy.
Billy is pretty unremarkable, but one day he decided that he should start doing hardcore drugs. One day at an acid party, he ran in to a girl who loved acid just as much as he did. They had sex while tripping and were later married and in love months later.
Drugs not your thing? No problem! Your new interesting aspect doesn't have to be something like that, just think of what your target demographic of girls likes, obtain a genuine passion in it, and reap the benefits! Unless it's computers. Give up hope of a girl who likes computers right now. They don't really exist, only on TV.
CHAPTER FOUR: Internet Romances
Don't do it. Seriously. It seems like a great idea: "Hey! I like the internet! So does she! We live 3000 miles away from each other, but hey, it'll work! We'll meet and get married and have kids and oh man I love her so much we're gonna go have cybersex now lol."
I've been separated from my girlfriend for 3 months, now, because we happen to live 250 miles away from each other. We mostly talk on the internet. This is a good thing. However, if you MEET her on the internet and talk to her SOLELY ON the internet, it's NOT a good thing. It's a weird thing. You can be anything on the internet. Just through the power of the internet, this could easily, and probably more likely, be this, this, or maybe even this (although most of you would probably like that last one you fucks).
Kracken and Nadir
|3itch and Draco
Cait and Togepy
What's similar between all these relationships? They all started ONLINE and they all ended HORRIBLY.
Just say "no" to internet relationships, friends. It ends in heartbreak and shit.
Anyway, I don't really feel like writing any more. If any of you fellow ZZT mack daddies feel like amending this beautiful guide, post it here! Success stories are welcome, also!
