Been Awhile

Post by **Zenith Nadir** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:17 am

<Nadir> Feeling: So shitty
<Nadir> Want to: Cry my freaking eyes out
<Nadir> Most desired: To hold you again... I need some comfort...
<Nadir> Greatest Fear: That I'm losing everything I love...
<Nadir> Also want to: Throw up and kick the shit out of something...
<Nadir> Missing: Your smile...
<nuero> !!!!!!!!!! Manga.....-.....Anime !!!!!!!!!!
<nuero> previous - random - next
<nuero> ahahahahaha
<nuero> that's a good blogring
<Dr_Dos> :D
<Nadir> he wants to hold me again
<Nadir> how sweet
<Nadir> also he misses my smile
<nuero> he wants to hold you WHILE throwing up
<nuero> and kicking the shit out of everything
<nuero> and while reading manga i guess
<Nadir> yes.
<nuero> !! RaP MuSiC SuCkS !!
<nuero> previous - random - next
<nuero> yay more sweeping generalizations
<nuero> i love axikal

nuero · Post by **nuero** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:18 am

Hehehehehehehe.

I have a surprise just for her. It's awesome.

w00t w00t!

In other news:

The Revolution begins to grow. Higher the buildings become and the more people begin to fight back against the evils of society.

Decaying corporations see the way through and join the Revolution.

Those who don't follow, are slaughtered like dogs.

ghettoflower · Post by **ghettoflower** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:20 am

Axikal's Cheerios will make you strong. expect them in the zzt bookbag

nuero · Post by **nuero** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:20 am

:smiles: I love being a metal-head.

Aplsos · Post by **Aplsos** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:20 am

Ok. This is to all you twats out there who think your words can cut me down.

One: You aren't better than me just because your opinion is different.

Two: You aren't smarter than me just because I may slip up and make mistakes.

Three: You aren't kewler than me just because you have a large group of friends.

I am my own person and people love me for who I am. If you want to be a judgmental pile of shit then by all means. But as you are doing so, take the opportunity to stick a thick metal rod up your ass and keep it there.

Yes, I am weird.

Yes I have 'problems'

I have problems with this shitty society, and the douchebags that inhabit it. I am sick of the snooty, stuck-up, piles of trash who try to laud their pitiful lives over the lives of others as if they were sent by 'God'. And as for 'God', prove to me 'God' exists. You can't. There is no proof. So shut up.

I'm not your anarchical type of metal-head. I believe in government, just more of an intelligent one.

Our society today is so deep in the shitter it isn't funny anymore. 'Ghetto Rap' has become the light for millions of black AND white Americans, as well as corrupting the Hispanic population.

Abusal of drugs and smoking weed are considered "kewl" because they are illegal. Grow the fuck up losers. Weed isn't kewl. It's for shitheads, weaklings, losers, and douchebags. Seriously. Get a fucking job. Contribute to society. Don't be bringing down MY neighborhood w/ your horseshit.

Now we come to the whole: "I'm not attractive/slim/big breasted enough" shit. FUCK YOU ok? Seriously, fuck you.

I'm not the most attractive human being on the planet (altho I can count at least 12 ppl who think I am hot as hell), and I've told numerous ppl how I feel. But I don't follow the trendy horseshit that fashion fag magazines and supermodels bring w/ them. Shit like Barbie, that sets a false image of beauty on an already self-conscious culture. Fuckers in the modeling business who endorse these shitwad diet plans to "help you become as sexy and slim as them" should all be executed by the Al-Qaeda.

Next we move onto politics. You whiny little c--tbags who bitch about Bush. FUCK OFF. Ok?! Stop BITCHING about it and start being PRODUCTIVE. Come up w/ ideas to HELP the country instead of writing about "Oh Bush is sooooo terrrrrible!"

You whiny little pissants seriously need to shut up. Or have someone backhand the fuck out of you. I'd be more than happy to accomodate you.

Finally, I'll touch upon the whole issue of the war in Iraq.

SHUT UP YOU WHINY LITTLE ASSHATS. STOP COUNTING HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED THERE! No one seems to give a rat's ass about the genocides in Tibet. Or the countless other people who died in Holy Wars in the name of fucking ISLAM. We aren't occupying Iraq, and we sure as shit ain't leaving anytime soon. So shut the fuck up. Thank you.

I am also adding this in now that I thought about it.

Another group that royally pisses me off are these wannabe skater dorks. Who the fuck spawned these?! "Oh I'm so kewl! I skated around all day!" Ok, so basically dude, what you just told me is that you are kewl because you spent your day riding on a wooden plank mounted on four wheels, and occasionally made a jump or two... yeah. WHAT THE FUCK? Ok, you aren't a skater just cos' you can jump and ride a skateboard. A REAL skater is someone like Tony Hawk. You are NOTHING like Hawk and obviously can't pull off ANY decent tricks. So stop acting like you are "the shit" just cos' you can fucking RIDE A PIECE OF WOOD!

If you were looking for deep philosophical views in this post, please shoot yourself.

The King Hast Spoken!

Post by **Zenith Nadir** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:21 am

Very few people understand me. I know one person understands. At least one. I'm being vauge as fuck here I know. But I prefer it vague.

Now that I think about it, three people in this world understand me better than anyone else ever will..

I'm not gonna give up. Not now, not ever, and you know it. You mean too much to me to give up. And I realised the full extent of my feelings for you yesterday. I'll fill you in about it a little later when you get home.

"Fighting the world every single day"

I feel sometimes like I am fighting the world. With very few people to stand by my side and REALLY fight. I mean, to stand up and say: "I'm not gonna take this stupid shit anymore. All these mistakes, I'm tired of em. So I'm gonna fix em now. Fuck society and their negative influences. I'm gonna focus on all that is good in my life."

It makes me sad when people (including myself) focus on the negative.

"If I could lift you high
I'd hold you above the clouds
So you could gaze upon the Heaven
That you created for me"

I push people to be the best they can be. Because I can see the good in everyone. And I want to be able to help them bring out that person inside.

"I will not falter, you will not fall, so grab on tight darling, we'll conquer it all."

"Born with a heart of steel"

Forever \m/!!!!

Post by **Zenith Nadir** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:24 am

Ok. Time to post my collecting thoughts. I'm sorta ripping out my brains on this one.

People constantly tell me I am strong and can win this. If I keep losing the things that made me happy, how the fuck can I expect to ever win? No, see, I keep losing out on the things that would work. I can't get chances even though I give them.

Am I unworthy of chances? Someone care to answer that?

I'm not just referring to you Dina. I'm also referring to a host of other things. Too many to mention here. Some too personal to tell anyone anyway.

I feel like, people don't really see me as someone they really want. Many times, their words just become, words. I don't really understand any of this really.

As Monica put in her Xanga: "I wish I could fastforward to the end... just to see if it is all worth it"

Each day I fight to make myself better. Can you tell me what you see when you look at me? What makes me so unworthy?

"Looking for a reason to turn this frown upside-down"

Tell me where this ends. This feeling is weird. Really it is.

Everyone says "oh she don't care, she don't want you back. Give up and move on"

"It's the same thing I've seen before"

Can't SOMEONE prove them wrong? I just don't... understand. Why can't just ONE person say: "You know what? Scott REALLY is a great guy and I'm not passing up this opportunity. I'm going for it."?

If that were to EVER happen, I'd be surprised as hell.

I feel like I am alone in this battle. I still raise my hands into the air, fists clenched. I raise a cry to whatever powers reign up there above. To bring to me, an answer to my questions, and guide me home to my fate.

I know it is early for that. 19 years old. But why shouldn't I be looking? My heart is hanging low, for there's too much I don't know. I've told you much, I await to hear yours.

Fighting the world every single day.

FUCK YOU SOCIETY. I'm not gonna be warped by you. And neither should you. Fuck those who hurt us. They aren't gonna be able to any more. I said it before and I'll say it again, they can only hurt you if you let them.

Don't hurt me. If you are planning on hurting me stay back. I don't take kindly to it. Use your heads. Think reasonably.

I still have love. Who will take it?

Who will be by my side as my special someone?

Who will I be able to look forward to seeing whenever I can?

What will be my legacy?

What will I be doing?

Will I bring pain, or joy?

All these questions and more. The answers are so far away...

Yeesh. I feel like I'm waxing idiotic.... Sorry. I love you guys.

Two hearts, one mind. What is a King w/out a Queen?

:opens arms: hugs all around to any willing to be near me....

-----

I must thank Monica for this. I really liked the lyrics. It's "I am Loco" by Ill Nino.

Life is weighing down on me, killing me inside
Something I could never be will guide me to the new
light
Frustrated
Sedated
I pray to myself

God please
Don´t take away from me
The only fucking thing
That I learned to believe
I am becoming the monster
You promised to keep him away
Now I feel like he´s living in me!!!

Anyway, I could never ever be
What you think is right for me
Are things that I will not believe
I want to start a new life
Get myself a sharp knife
Look into my own life
Kill things I don´t like in me

But sometimes I feel OK
And think I´m unique
You always try to critique
I turn my back on it anyway
Sucker! Punk-ass motherfucker!
I am loco!
Te falta un poco!
To get your ass in a choke-hold!

Just kill me - I can´t breathe
I am guiding myself right to the end
I can´t learn - come to terms
With the sickness that makes me crash and burn

I´m crying, I feel like I am dying but I´m trying
I beg to myself put my pride up on the shelf
Life is not forever
But if life will stay together
I would have a friend in my depression, have an end

But I´ve been thinking
And thinking always gets me into trouble
But since I have a double personality
I wasn´t me you see
Now I´m a refugee
And everything inside of me is just a part of my disease!!!

Just kill me - I can´t breathe
I am guiding myself right to the end
I can´t learn - come to terms
With the sickness that makes me crash and burn

---

:nods to the lyrics:

nuero · Post by **nuero** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:25 am

Ok. This is to all you twats out there who think your words can cut me down.

One: You aren't better than me just because your opinion is different.
Two: You aren't smarter than me just because I may slip up and make mistakes.
Three: You aren't kewler than me just because you have a large group of friends.

I am my own person and people love me for who I am. If you want to be a judgmental pile of shit then by all means. But as you are doing so, take the opportunity to stick a thick metal rod up your ass and keep it there.

Yes, I am weird.
Yes I have 'problems'

I have problems with this shitty society, and the douchebags that inhabit it. I am sick of the snooty, stuck-up, piles of trash who try to laud their pitiful lives over the lives of others as if they were sent by 'God'. And as for 'God', prove to me 'God' exists. You can't. There is no proof. So shut up.

I'm not your anarchical type of metal-head. I believe in government, just more of an intelligent one.

Our society today is so deep in the shitter it isn't funny anymore. 'Ghetto Rap' has become the light for millions of black AND white Americans, as well as corrupting the Hispanic population.

Abusal of drugs and smoking weed are considered "kewl" because they are illegal. Grow the fuck up losers. Weed isn't kewl. It's for shitheads, weaklings, losers, and douchebags. Seriously. Get a fucking job. Contribute to society. Don't be bringing down MY neighborhood w/ your horseshit.

Now we come to the whole: "I'm not attractive/slim/big breasted enough" shit. FUCK YOU ok? Seriously, fuck you.

I'm not the most attractive human being on the planet (altho I can count at least 12 ppl who think I am hot as hell), and I've told numerous ppl how I feel. But I don't follow the trendy horseshit that fashion fag magazines and supermodels bring w/ them. Shit like Barbie, that sets a false image of beauty on an already self-conscious culture. Fuckers in the modeling business who endorse these shitwad diet plans to "help you become as sexy and slim as them" should all be executed by the Al-Qaeda.

Next we move onto politics. You whiny little c--tbags who bitch about Bush. FUCK OFF. Ok?! Stop BITCHING about it and start being PRODUCTIVE. Come up w/ ideas to HELP the country instead of writing about "Oh Bush is sooooo terrrrrible!"

You whiny little pissants seriously need to shut up. Or have someone backhand the fuck out of you. I'd be more than happy to accomodate you.

Finally, I'll touch upon the whole issue of the war in Iraq.

SHUT UP YOU WHINY LITTLE ASSHATS. STOP COUNTING HOW MANY PEOPLE DIED THERE! No one seems to give a rat's ass about the genocides in Tibet. Or the countless other people who died in Holy Wars in the name of fucking ISLAM. We aren't occupying Iraq, and we sure as shit ain't leaving anytime soon. So shut the fuck up. Thank you.

I am also adding this in now that I thought about it.

Another group that royally pisses me off are these wannabe skater dorks. Who the fuck spawned these?! "Oh I'm so kewl! I skated around all day!" Ok, so basically dude, what you just told me is that you are kewl because you spent your day riding on a wooden plank mounted on four wheels, and occasionally made a jump or two... yeah. WHAT THE FUCK? Ok, you aren't a skater just cos' you can jump and ride a skateboard. A REAL skater is someone like Tony Hawk. You are NOTHING like Hawk and obviously can't pull off ANY decent tricks. So stop acting like you are "the shit" just cos' you can fucking RIDE A PIECE OF WOOD!

If you were looking for deep philosophical views in this post, please shoot yourself.

The King Hast Spoken!

nuero · Post by **nuero** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:26 am

Let me tell you people something:

Love is one of the greatest feelings in the fucking world. Period.

I smile when I think of her, and I laugh when she says some random things. I giggle when I think of holding her. I melt when she says the right things. She makes me feel so happy. I long to hold her again. To feel her passionate kiss upon my own lips. Ah, that, my friends, tis love.

And is not love itself divine? I believe it is. :smiles:

Love you. I do. Yoda I am

:kisses:

nuero · Post by **nuero** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:35 am

[23:34] <nuero> :laughs: I'd like to take this opportunity to say: "It isn't emo when you actually have a REASON to cry"
[23:34] <nuero> what
[23:34] <nuero> yes it is
[23:34] <nuero> god damn it
[23:34] <nuero> it's really emo
[23:34] <nondescript> that's the definition of emo
[23:34] <nondescript> crying
[23:34] <nondescript> at all
[23:34] <nondescript> unless it's crying in happiness maybe

Post by **Zenith Nadir** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:37 am

ph33r my 1337ness!

I'm cutting through this work like a hot knife through butter.

1hr 30min into the shift, I'm 3/4 done w/ my stack. Oh yeah. I still am the King.

I'd prefer this to calling anyday!

Oh my tongue is burned. I found out that the hot chocolate is UBER hot here. Still, my job > Dina's Job

Yeah, I went there. Watcha gunna do bout it?

Post by **Zenith Nadir** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 5:41 am

Lately, I've noticed a good number of people I know who are confused. I won't mention their names for anonymity but they have my undying support.

To one: Take time out to clear your head. Think about what you want. You've got the key, now unlock the door. I am behind you, giving you the strength to fight. You shall not fall, for I am there to catch you, as I once was. You can do it. Fight, kill, win. . I know you will fight, and I know you will win. Grab ahold of what you want. And TAKE IT.

To another: Each day brings us a new challenge. Yours has become apparent as I talk to you each time. Have faith that you will not break, for my strength is yours to command as well. I'm by your side my brother in arms. Never give up.

To two others: What you told me, shocked me beyond belief. but I still care and I want to see you happy again. Things seem like a nightmare now don't they? Well all nightmares must end. And as long as you have me as your friend, there's no obstacle you can't overcome. Trust in yourself, get back on the right path. And don't hesitate to call upon my support. You will forever have it. You have my love and my prayers.

My heart goes out to all my dear ones. My loves. The people I hold the closest to this heart of mine. And my heart breaks to see such misery.

I love you all. And will continue to support each of you throughout your days. Take my strength, for it is mine to give. I thus give it willingly to you all. Fear not, for I am by your sides.

Let's stand together and fight.

"A dark march lies ahead
Together we will ride
Like thunder from the sky
May your sword stay wet like a young girl in her prime
Hold your hammers high"
-Hail and Kill by Manowar

"I bear your burdens, for they are mine now too. I gladly walk your crosses to the fire, so that they may be burned and lifted from your soul"

---

I must depart for the world of sleepage and closed eyes. Where dreams ARE the REALITY. And where, all is at peace. Rawk on Xangans. Rawk on my friends, comrades, brothers and sisters, and my love. RAWK ON! \m/!!!!

Aplsos · Post by **Aplsos** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 7:07 am

Ando · Post by **Ando** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 4:31 pm

Ahahahahaha

Jesus Christ...

You guys never let up...on anything...

Post by **Zenith Nadir** » Thu Nov 25, 2004 7:24 pm

well you see axikal isn't new as such

he's this lame annoying guy who pops up every year to 18 months, is annoying and lame, then gets yelled at and leaves

nobody likes him because he's annoying and lame

:nods to the lyrics: