The Trial of Jazzy

[852]

In this thread, come forth and state your name and how you know Jazzy (AKA Milamber). You may vouch for him or against him, telling how he has or hasn't changed for the better since his encounter with me on Slashnet.

If you do not know what I am talking about, please stay out of the thread, it is serious and must not be cluttered up. Offending users will be banned, I have the administration's full cooperation on this.

So, to recap the procedure: This is a trial of character. You may argue that Jazzy is an upstanding young man of good character, or you may argue that he is the opposite. Keep in mind that this is all VERY serious and what you are saying determines the future of this boy. If it seems that he has changed, then he may be let off without any jail time or punishment. If he hasn't... then it's off to the slammer. Jazzy, you may post in this thread refuting or backing up any claims for or against you. Your future is at stake, good luck.

The trial is now in session.

[Alexis Janson]

Oh I know Jazzy alright. We never really talked much, but he didn't seem like such a bad guy. That was, until before I found out he was nothing more than a common thief! He ate my lunch right off the table at ZZTCon 2003!

[Stak]

The threat of Jazzy AKA Milamber transcends history.

Jazzy created AIDS. He steals candy from small children. I once witnessed him robbing a bank AND killing a man just to watch him die, all in the same day.

Jazzy steals from orphans and is directly related to Saddam Hussein. He killed Superman and destroys cities. He shot JFK because he didn't like his tie.

Jazzy was Jack the Ripper AND Atilla the Hun. He has worked with such diabolical people as Kim Jong III and Martha Stewart. Jazzy is the basis for the Mr. Smith program in the Matrix.

Jazzy is over 4000 years old and absorbs the souls of the damned in order to retain his youth. Jazzy is responsible for the Tianamen Square tragedy and he was one of the pilots on 9/11. Jazzy wrote the final episode of Seinfeld.

But worst of all... he has shattered my heart into a million billion pieces and oh God I will never ever recover from this

[Furry Jesus Freak]

Friend Fungahh, as far as I know, there was no ZZTCon2k3. Also, I wasn't into ZZT at the time, and I'm not old enough to travel. Also, I seriously appreciate your vouch. I may be a bid odd, and sometimes have mood swings, but I honestly try to be "good" by all pure standards. Mr. IJ, while reflecting on your post, I realized something. If indeed you have been tracing me, you'd know that for a couple of days, I was searching the 'Net for old DOS games that turned freeware. I searched The Underdogs because, well, it was on the Links page =). On there I accidently, while searching in the RPG section, came across a link to a SNES ROM (TUD says that as far as they know, any game on their pages are discontinued/freeware). However, note that I merely clicked "Back" and continued my search, leaving the tempting ROM be. I have learned, my friend. I am dead serious, as serious as God's Judgment. I have learned, and shall do no more ill. Know that I intended no ill in the first, and now that I know my actions caused ill, I shall make sure that I cause no more, as much as is in my power. You have my word that I shall never do anything illegal unless my very life be on the line, which is unlikely. In conclusion, I pledge a clean life, free from pr0n and illegal activities. I now so vow.
-Milamber

[Ryan Ferneau]

This nice man... He brought me my kitty. Thank you for being so kind!

[Stak]

Also, Jazzy is the one who set that poor man's penis on fire in my avatar

We cannot allow the wang-burner to walk our streets any longer

[235]

This nice man... He brought me my kitty. Thank you for being so kind!

why do you always beat me to it?

[Quantum P.]

The threat of Jazzy AKA Milamber transcends history.

Jazzy created AIDS. He steals candy from small children. I once witnessed him robbing a bank AND killing a man just to watch him die, all in the same day.

Jazzy steals from orphans and is directly related to Saddam Hussein. He killed Superman and destroys cities. He shot JFK because he didn't like his tie.

Jazzy was Jack the Ripper AND Atilla the Hun. He has worked with such diabolical people as Kim Jong III and Martha Stewart. Jazzy is the basis for the Mr. Smith program in the Matrix.

Jazzy is over 4000 years old and absorbs the souls of the damned in order to retain his youth. Jazzy is responsible for the Tianamen Square tragedy and he was one of the pilots on 9/11. Jazzy wrote the final episode of Seinfeld.

But worst of all... he has shattered my heart into a million billion pieces and oh God I will never ever recover from this

That really screws up my sense of time and/or space.

[Zenith Nadir]

one time i was posting a letter for my mom and jazzy came along in a car and came out of the car with two thugs and he was all like get in the car! and when i tried to run back into the house the thugs started throwing stars at me until i did and then suddenly i was transported to a cage and jazzy was outside and he explained that the cage was linked to a a series of pulleys and levers that would trigger a gun to shoot and kill me in the cage but i escaped into the sewers

there were sharks in the sewers

[http://yahoo.com/]

Jazzy introduced me to homosexual incest because he kept messaging me about this amazing new porn movies he'd found and how he was having so much fun with his family and their relationship was almost spiritual now. I tried it out and my family kicked me out and now they won't talk to me, and it's Jazzy's fault. He's wrecked my life forever.

[spekk]

When I first met Jazzy, he was a good guy. He claimed he was tight with the J-dawg and could hook me up with some fine ass. I took this offer and was shocked and appalled when three young boys no older than nine and a half years walked up with tears in their eyes. This is when I realized Jazzy was no saint, but a sinner.

He has since attempted to bring me into his chaotic world of lust, pedophilia, hacking, stealing, and taking candy from babies. He tells people Jesus was responsible for the crimes he commits and that must have been done for a reason but we all know this cannot be the Holy Truth.

Jazzy must be punished!!

[wildkarrdex]

Jazzy is a fucking fink.

When I was in the cackle-factory trying to offload some H onto some gong-kicker, Jazzy walks in and accuses me of being some Queer Pusher, which of course attracts the attention of the G-Man. He puts me on Angel Cake and Wine for two weeks, meanwhile jazzy has been released and is arrested again Jesus at half mast. He got off because the owner of the juke joint he was up for a bit of a Georgia Shuffle with the G-men.

A couple of years later, when I was let out of the cackle-factory, I see Jazzy junk-pushing on a street corner, fallen to level of a fucking Jesus Stiff.

References: http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?nod ... dictionary

[Zenith Nadir]

you fucking disappoint me jazzy

maybe you're better off this way

[nuero]

When I first met Jazzy, he was an all right fellow. He was at a high point in his life, with lots of wealth and friends. However, he started inviting me to parties. These parties involved crowds that I surely did not want to be involved in, and I also did not want Jazzy involved in. As sincere as I may have been, Jazzy would not listen to my pleading. Soon, he began to smoke marijuana. He would smoke quite frequently, and often would call me while doing so, bragging about how "high" he currently was.

Weeks later, he moved on to cocaine. Weeks after that, he moved on to herion. Several months later, his friends had left him and he was out of money. He had hit rock bottom. This was definately his lowest point, and he was very confused. He started dressing in womens clothing and faking an Asian accent. In an attempt to help him recover, I introduced him to a very close friend, whose name was John.

John did not know that Jazzy was not an Asian woman and soon they fell in love with eachother. Jazzy had taken the assumed name 'Yoko Ono,' and soon, John didn't feel nearly as close with the members of a band he was in, a little band called 'the Beatles.'

Jazzy broke up the Beatles!

[Zenith Nadir]

Nadir: Jazzy!
Dr Dos: Go to your room.
Jazzy: Yeah, right.

Well, you're damned if you do,
(What are we talking about?)
Well, you're damned if you do,
(Where's your sense of humour?)
Well, you're damned if you do,
And you're damned if you don't.

Nadir: Jazzy!

Jazzy: Let me start at the start, then take it away.
My name is Milamber, Jazzy E.
That's Jazzy, with an azzy, and a capital J,
Then Milam, plus B-E-R, that's me!

Introductions aside, let's move right along,
You can all sing along at the sound of the gong.
Once upon a time, about a week ago,
All of a sudden, trouble started to grow.
Alarm was buzzin', I was snoozin',
S'posed to get up now, but I was refusin'
To let reality become an intrusion,
'Cause in dreamy-dream land, I was cruisin'.
But the buzz kept buzzin', my head kept buzzin'.
Gave the radio a throw, and heard an explosion.

Nadir: D'oh!

Opened up my eyes, and to my surprise,
There stood Nadir, and his temperature risin'.
I was chillin', he was yellin',
Face all distorted, 'cause he was propellin'.
It wasn't what he said, but more of his tone,
The usual jive, put your nose to the grindstone.
I said "I'm real sorry" but that didn't cut it,
I started to protest, but dad said

Nadir: Shut it. Get up. Mow the lawn. Move it. On the double.
'Cause if you don't, you're in deep, deep trouble.

Trouble!!!
Deep, deep trouble.
Run into trouble.

Jazzy: Where's your sense of humour, man?

Deep, deep trouble.
And they go a little something like this.

Jazzy: So I'm in the front yard, mowin' like crazy,
Sweatin' like a pig and the sun is blazing.
Nadir's in the driveway, getting in the car,
With Dos and Tyrannous, hope they're going real far.
Then dad yells "Jazzy!"
And I go "Yo"
He goes "You done yet?"
And I go No.
So he goes "Oh! You're too slow."
So I step on the gas, to speed up the mow.
Didn't see that sprinkler underneath that tree,
Wham! Ccchhh! Pssshh! Raining on me!
I go "Whoa", Nadir goes "D'oh!"
Now you can't go to the boatshow.

This is my thanks after working my butt off?
Nadir revs the motor and they all start to putt off.
Soaked to the bone, standing in a puddle,
No-one needs to tell me I'm in deep, deep trouble.

Trouble!!!

Dr Dos: Go to your room.
Nadir: Jazzy!
Jazzy: Yeah, right.
Dr Dos: Jazzy, go to your room.

Deep, deep trouble.

Dr Dos: Go to your room.
Nadir: Jazzy!
Jazzy: Oh, gimme a break.

The young begins the trouble.

Jazzy: Well, you're damned if you do, I know the answer. Well, you're damned if you do,

(Deep, deep trouble)

Well, you're damned if you do, And you're damned if you don't.

As soon as they're gone, I'm stretched on the lawn,
Lookin' at the sky with my sunshades on.
Now I've never ever claimed that I was a smarty,
But inspiration hits me, lets have a party.

Called up my posse, they were here in a flash,
They brought all their pals, we started to thrash.
There was romping and stomping, an occasional crash,
A fist fight or two, Nintendo ROMs for cash.

We raided the fridge, dogs raided the trash,
I got a little worried when the windows got smashed.
The next thing you know, Dos and Nadir are home,
The kids disappear and I'm all alone.

Everything's silent except for my moan,
And the low, bluesy tone of a saxophone.
They look at me, then they go into a huddle.
Get this sinking sensation I'm in deep, deep trouble.

Trouble!!!

Nadir: D'oh.
Dr Dos: Oh...
Nadir: Jazzy!
Jazzy: Oh, gimme a break.

Deep, deep trouble.

Nadir: Hey. What is this?

Don't keep trouble.

Dr Dos: Go to your room.
Tyrannous: Oh yeah.
Dr Dos: Jazzy, go to your room.

Deep, deep trouble.

Dr Dos: Go to your room.
Jazzy: Okey, dokey.
Nadir: Jazzy!

Jazzy: There's a little epilogue to my tale of sadness.
I was dragged down the street by his Royal Dadness.
We rounded the corner and came to a stop,
Threw me inside Fungahhh's Barber Shop.

I said, Please Sir, just a little off the top.
Dude shaved me bare, gave me a lollipop.
So on my head, there's nothing but stubble.
Man, I hate being in deep, deep trouble.

(Trouble!!!)

Jazzy: Well, you're damned if you do,

(Trouble! Trouble!)

Well, you're damned if you do,

(Deep, deep trouble.)

Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

(Nothing but trouble.)

Aw, come on, man. Well, you're damned if you do,
(What are we talking about?) Well, you're damned if you do,

(Deep, deep trouble!)

(Where's your sense of humour?) Well, you're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't.

(Trouble. Deep, deep trouble.)

Ha ha ha, ha ha.

(Deep, deep trouble!)