The Trial of Jazzy

Post by **Dr. Dos** » Thu Oct 21, 2004 10:39 pm

Jazzy hates gay people

Zaphod and :ler: cry at night because of him.

LJuanBobo: computolio you should write an article about jazzy for crushyiffdestroy.com
Steve: please do
computolio: I could but he's also kinda in-jokey and boring
Jazzy: GHGJFGJFGJ
Jazzy: K'JHHFG46

also he is worth an article on crushyiffdestroy.com which means he sucks!

Post by **Quantum P.** » Thu Oct 21, 2004 11:48 pm

nuero wrote:When I first met Jazzy, he was an all right fellow. He was at a high point in his life, with lots of wealth and friends. However, he started inviting me to parties. These parties involved crowds that I surely did not want to be involved in, and I also did not want Jazzy involved in. As sincere as I may have been, Jazzy would not listen to my pleading. Soon, he began to smoke marijuana. He would smoke quite frequently, and often would call me while doing so, bragging about how "high" he currently was.

Weeks later, he moved on to cocaine. Weeks after that, he moved on to herion. Several months later, his friends had left him and he was out of money. He had hit rock bottom. This was definately his lowest point, and he was very confused. He started dressing in womens clothing and faking an Asian accent. In an attempt to help him recover, <i>I introduced him</i> to a very close friend, whose name was John.

John did not know that Jazzy was not an Asian woman and soon they fell in love with eachother. Jazzy had taken the assumed name 'Yoko Ono,' and soon, John didn't feel nearly as close with the members of a band he was in, a little band called 'the Beatles.'

Jazzy broke up the Beatles!

My italics. And if you were John's friend, why didn't you tell him that Yoko Ono was Jazzy?

Stak · Post by **Stak** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 12:53 am

Zenith Nadir wrote:*lyrics*

The sad part is that I have that CD somewhere in my house

Jazzy sold it to me over Ebay, claiming it was that Smash Bros remix album. After taking forever to send it and charging me double, he left me bad feedback!

Furry Jesus Freak · Post by **Furry Jesus Freak** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 1:56 am

NONE of that stuff actually happend! Although, Nadir, I must admit that the rap was pretty clever... This probibly isn't the place, but that MUST go into ZZTV9. =| You mentioned an IJak or something. Is this all a conspiracy? Because none of your stories are credible, since I know only 1 ZZTer (Who is VERY new), and that's MetaMidnight, whom I have known since the first grade. And of course, I've e-mailed MadTom about ZZTV9, and exchanged a bizzare PM with Stak about the "love affair" gig, but that's the only contact I've had with ZZTers outside the forum, save for a few times on #rawr.

Ryan Ferneau · Post by **Ryan Ferneau** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 2:02 am

You brought this on yourself by summoning IJ.

Ando · Post by **Ando** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 2:32 am

MATT DAMON HATE GAY

wildkarrdex · Post by **wildkarrdex** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 5:56 pm

THIS JUST IN:

http://ecard.veepers.com/card/njnBDLmK2rgeRCT4fhVhba

Ando · Post by **Ando** » Fri Oct 22, 2004 7:09 pm

MATT DAMON HATE GAY EVEN MORE

Stak · Post by **Stak** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:36 am

This thread has brought to light some of Jazzy's misdeeds, but the most heinous act of all still has not been revealed. I apologize for typos in this post, for I am unsure that I can still talk about this subject without an emotional breakdown.

However, I must tell all of you this, for the greater good and the hope that others who are potentially going to commit this act will change their minds, after hearing it from a victim's perspective.

Take a look at this post. The events leading up to that post were so exciting... I remember when Jazzy and I first met in that coffeehouse, on that cold November day. We began dating soon... I will never forget that summer night when Jazzy showed me what love is. He was so kind, so gentle.

We soon moved in together, into this nice little apartment on the north side of town. After a while, Jazzy began dropping hints that he wanted to settle down, maybe start a family (although he never said it outright), and I wanted this too, though I never had the courage to propose to him myself.

Finally, the day came, and in that post I linked to above, he asked me to marry him. Needless to say, I was so excited that I could hardly sit still. I will admit that in the days before that, we had been fighting somewhat (it was my fault, really, I shouldn't have been so rude about what to name our new kitten), so I didn't mind so much when he edited his message to say "SHOVE IT" instead of "WILL YOU MARRY ME".

Then... it happened.

Our wedding day had finally arrived. My entire family and all my friends were there. I had spent over $300 on the rental tuxedo alone. I thought Jazzy might be running late, so we waited. 15 minutes passed.

Then thirty. Then an hour. Then two hours. Then nightfall came, and still no sign of Jazzy.

Something must have came up, I thought, so I went back to the apartment. I found a note. It said the following:

Dear Stak

I can no longer live this lie. I am leaving you. I simply cannot tolerate you any longer. I never loved you, and I am moving on with my life. Goodbye.

Jazzy

PS I'm taking Benjamin with me, the poor kitten didn't like you either after you insisted on naming it Rupert

...I am sorry, I must take a moment to regain my composure.

Well, now you know. Now you know why I hold such animosity toward this man.

Because he left me at the altar.

I am going to go cut myself now. Good day.

Post by **Dr. Dos** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 1:43 am

Stak :(

I promise that one day you'll find somebody much better than this Jazzy scum.

*big hugs for Stak* :([/img]

Post by **http://yahoo.com/** » Mon Oct 25, 2004 11:20 am

Just join #chapel on austnet and everything will feel better

Furry Jesus Freak · Post by **Furry Jesus Freak** » Tue Oct 26, 2004 11:54 pm

Waaaaaaaiiiiit a minute. Stak's a girl? Clecky's a guy?? Changing Clecky to Klecky gets you Klecky the Kitten Killer (KKK)?? I AM SO CONFUSED!
:icannotcontrol:

Stak · Post by **Stak** » Wed Oct 27, 2004 2:55 am

Milamber wrote:Waaaaaaaiiiiit a minute. Stak's a girl?

And I'm a damned pretty girl, too

Ando · Post by **Ando** » Sun Oct 31, 2004 10:39 pm

I guess this trial has concluded. The defendant will go to prison where he will most likely develop into a really fruity guy who does favors for his fellow inmates in order to avoid getting beaten up in the laundry room.

BTW Stak ur fat.

Stak · Post by **Stak** » Sun Oct 31, 2004 10:42 pm

Ando wrote:BTW Stak ur fat.

MAYBE MY HEAD IS LARGER THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON'S HEAD

DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU THREW SUCH AN INSENSITIVE COMMENT OUT THERE LIKE THAT

=(