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PostPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2013 11:46 pm 
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Ordinery
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Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2013 9:34 am
Posts: 53
Location: Oregon, Oklahoma
I feel blue in my Life about my circumstances being out of my control.
I blaze through past Azure Agony in Quake playing on Nightmare skill...


I can't understand why others can't understand the importance of not confusing Cyan with being merely another shade of Blue.
I find Cyan-Green to be a far more appealing shade than the Teal of poisontipped arrows...


I feel green with envy about those who already have worked out better circumstances for themself.
I find Green is Evil to be incredibly Old Jokes.


You piss on me for not hiding being pissed off as others would themselves.
I refine Gold Paint by isolating others' ways of hating on me in its purest form.


You put me up as being Clinically Insane for insisting that others are not right in insisting on their own help shoved on me.
I overcome my own Night Terrors about the Sucking Throat from Steven Speilberg's Poltergeist...
writing out about my own Anxieties...
going over with the specific one that caused this specific one of my own Night Terrors...
saving myself from falling into Schizophrenia's warm embrace as substitute for real conversation...
and working by the light of electic candles...


I'm now at Red.
My heart's power has been imprisoned by my mind's powers...
because my heart so loved my mind's ability to understand others deeply without needing a heart that it willingly let my mind imprison it...
in favor of a trade-off between emotional intelligence of my mental understanding...
and greater love in ways of understanding that even one's mind cannot understand on its own...
and I allowed this to go on long enough to get stuck roleplaying as... some Fursona...
I had relied on from having been burned off by others' involvement shoved againt seperation of
Offline and Online self
.


You want to continue hating on me here?
I'm going to make you so full of Hating on H1 that you won't ever like hating on someone again!
You all claim that you do it solely from exploiting me,
that it's only because I make it so easy for others to hate on me here,
going on to say that it justifies the allowing of it to go on...
You would take that from me too here... as you would anywhere... and no less here...


It was bad enough to have others bandwagoning hating on me all across Jedi Outcast and Jedi Academy...
Though then they just had to go and justify it...


DarkSoul says that it's because Life hit me hard.
Her stance is that I'm only like this because I haven't really grown up.


Shinja says it's 'hardening'.
His stance is that it's a necessary evil that justifies the hating on me here.


Paragon says it's a 'misery loves company' thing.
Her stance is that I only do things how I do things because I can't find my own ways to be fulfillfed without resorting to having others suffer for the same reasons that I do...


BakedNinja says that anyone would do the same wrongs to me if they were as blunt as he was...
His stance is that he's merely less unwilling to say the same things anyone would say that is why he's so particularly abusive to me.


Gringo takes time out of his day working out how to do a better job of pretending like he isn't taking full advantage of others hating on me to get do so himself...
and then use his Administrative Power...
to take it further...
making for far more severe consequnces of others hating on me including himself ...
and then 'play dumb' that he doesn't totally know what he is doing by using others' less good understanding of the issues themselves against anyone being able to call him out for doing this.
His stance is that I'm only allowed to still be here for others to enjoy exploitative control of me here.
His is total invalidation of why I'm even still able to continue.
Even his stance is not the worst invalidation I have had here.


There is one other who has done worse to me about this...
He was away from these forums for far too long...
He defended me as much as he could...
He took from me being the one who defends myself...
He insists that will my Life be harder for me to intentionally not yield myself to Society...
but then takes it far further...
insisting that because that's how it works that I actually should be someone who isn't unwilling to yield myself to Society.
His stance is that he's being an enabler by keeping things from not being harder for me not bending myself to Society...
Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!


You expressed concerns after my 'Going away post' leaving off for the Holidays from spending too
much time on the forums here about me clearly being at good odds of committing Suicide.
You took your defense of me on to Jedi Academy not long after my full community
boot-out
after extended time with The Exiled Knights...
I have had individuals that have gotten me to change myself and they aren't like you!
You are still the only one who ever got me to falter on not compromising myself!
I already had close personal friends Online that saved me from finally compromisng myself for Society...
They could not save me from attempting to take my own life on the Mayan Doomsday...


You would do everything to take from me that I'm freely myself in the name of helping me avoid suffering...
You only take from me my whole reason for continuing to live not being someone else even though it's hard...
I was Medically Dead for about 5 to 6 minutes...
You, essenCe, are what drove me to my bout with Attempted Suicide!
My closest personal friend over the Internet dressed their name ingame in Black for me!
He was about to Kamikaze The Exiled Knights and only his sister could cool him off
long enough for my eventual return days later in stable condition despite not yet being past
mere impermanent muscle weakness!
You told me that I have no right to complain about others berating my way of talking when I won't make efforts for them.
You who won't willingly share in others' suffering have no right to complain when they don't ask for your help!


I was not wrong to not rely on 'just ignore others' as a method of dealing with hecklers.
I was not going to sell out my stance on never ignoring anyone just because it's suddenly not so Damn easy to hear everyone's side fairly.
I was not wrong to not not argue back despite that that only makes it worse from an effectiveness standpoint.
I was not going to sell out arguing outright just to avoiid suffering consequences even in it backfiring.
I was not wrong in calling out the self-justificative nature of Society itself.
I was not going to abide quietly just because it's easier to not stick one's neck out against Societal Ills.
I was not wrong to be having this far closer to full Anonymity than others have Online.
I was not going to be hiding behind Internet Anonymity just because I got stuck in a rut.
I was not wrong in not stopping talking about things just because others suddenly have trouble understanding what I'm saying when it's less nice to hear being said than otherwise.
I won't forego resolving conflict in ways that are less immediately rewarding in the short term...


I was still wrong.
I had grown reliant upon calling out others being wrong to cover for myself not being wrong...



You can point out all you want that the problems are with differences between you and others... when you are different... and can't work them out.
They are very real problems with the system itself allowing the problems to go on...
Anyone who suggests solutions gets shunned out for 'starting Drama' merely for openly disagreeing, not hiding being different, and not masking themself as their opposite to get by in Society.
Though then what happens when you grow reliant upon understanding better the reasons why the systems are wrong is that you lose focus on you being better yourself...


I will not resort to masking myself as my exact opposite to get by in Society.
However, now, I had been masking myself as my exact opposite for other reasons.


I am a college-age White Guy stuck in a rut before College spending hours a day at their desktop PC.
I've been Fursona roleplaying everyone this whole time.



You will take this from me here too...
I can hear your cries now...


DarkSoul wrote:
I knew something about you didn't add up but you couldn't show it because of something weird still going on!
I told you you'd make a great politician but maybe you'd make a great lawyer!
Shinja wrote:
See, H1, you need this 'hating on you' to help you realize that you make your own problems.
I know it's painful but if we don't feel pain then we can't identify problems and that leads to false immunity...
Paragon wrote:
Yaaaaa, H1, you only see this as some 'big thing' because it's such a problem for you yourself.
If you weren't such a Drama Queen your Life wouldn't be so hard... making you do this stupid stuff... letting others keep hating on you...
BakedNinja wrote:
I take back everything I said about how much your Life must be harder knowing you're a female with the same problems as opposed to a guy with the same problems...
You really are hiding behind Anonymity and even I feel dumb for not calling you on that for more than just arguing... oh wait... I did call you on that for more than just arguing!
Gringo wrote:
Trollofl, H1, you aren't 'invalidated' by me 'controlling' your 'reasons for still even being able be here'.
Plenty of guys are coming out of the closet for being a guy pretending to be a girl on the Internet every day and you want to treat this like it's some big change for you?
Go put your whole Confesssion for Drama Queen tendencies on somebody else's forums because I don't actually keep you here to get to toy with you for longer...
You do that to yourself when you don't stop yourself from being this bawling emotional lunatic.


If I want to ban you I can do so at any time and you are worried about being 'controlled' for 'exploitation' for 'enjoyment'?
Grab some boxers and man up.


There's this wonderful thing called Omegle.
You should look it up sometime.
essenCe wrote:
You never told me that you actually were acting as having a different Life...
I had gone over this with you about Vanity from... what I had seen... but this is much worse than even I could tell.


No wonder you tried to kill yourself there.
You are using this 'coming out' to compensate for actually facing up to your own problems yourself by making it about others' wrongs.


You might see this as saying that you're finally coming to terms with having been wrong...
This is clearly just another way of rationalizing to yourself that you aren't wrong.



You can bitch all you want at me about me putting words in your mouth to others here... but then... you know that this isn't far from what those specific others would say themself.
I understand others' misundertandings.
It's like a cursed sixth sense for me.
I know exactly how others are going to misunderstand me... right before it happens... and then they do... and then it hurts... and I'm powerless to stop it...



I myself am not someone who is unwilling to admit to their own faults.
Yet then others would take from me that my own coming to terms with having been wrong the whole time is really my own.


Well now it is your turn.
What will you try to take from me about it being me that resolves my problems?


My own schools take from me learning my own way... holding me back Academically to catch up on homework even despite that I don't need homework to reinforce my understanding of the material taught in class!
They blame me being unwilling to work hard for grades to justify mandatory additions to my Academic studies!
My own parents take from me that me getting out of this rut in my Life is really my own.
They blame me being afraid of being independent to justify not letting me be independent in getting out!
My own General Practicioner?
You can't 'get healthy' without seeing a doctor on a regular basis, he says, where you're clearly not taking good care of your health without help after I remind him about covering sneezes wrong.
My own Clinical Psychotherapist?
I think you are afraid to take others' help to move on, he says, as he wonders why I stop taking meds he himself prescribes me despite still seeing him...


You blame everything on me not seeking help...
You know what, now, you guys?
I do need help.
It just isn't your help that I need!
If you are going to do things against my stance in the name of 'helping' me then you will only wind up hurting me.
Your help is not helping me!
You want to help me out?
Lay off your help so eventually I'm not burned off being helped too much to seek better help for me of my own accord!



I needed help that you could not provide...
which when you could not provide it then I already understood why it was not right...
and for being so 'defensive' about being helped your justify your forcing of it on me...
pulling out all the stops about me so clearly being unable to do things without help...
only blocking me off from finding help that actually does help me...
and they don't rely on forcing one's help on another...
proving me right about my stance that it will never help someone to force your help on them...
leading me right back into more reason than ever to feel so vindicated about neither being unwilling to admit faults...
nor being actually wrong about the things others said I was wrong about before ...
and now...
here now that I'm finally starting to get out of this rut...
here now that I'm not only finally able to work past the 'controlling effects' of others forcing things on me but also actually doing particularly well at being less adversely affected by 'controlling effects' of things...
here now that I'm working my way out of being reliant upon continuing this 'Fursona roleplay' that I've become stuck not breaking character with...
and now that I'm finally coming this far...
it will be you who has to suffer having been wrong the whole time.
If you're so much better than me then why can't you handle having been wrong the whole time better than I do?


You might claim that I am clearly not actually handling it well, in making your counterpoint, in asking how I can even make that point here...
Need I remind you about my 'sixth sense' thing I already explained only six paragraphs up.


I am banking the 'Hating on H1' accumulated.
It won't be long before your hating on me really is from actual burning hatred working behind the hating on.



I want your continuing hate on me here... now more than ever... to practice on getting past its 'controlling effects'.
Those who did the most of justifying the hating on me are those who are the most screwed over here.



Did you really think I am worried about others' misunderstandings that I'm doing this for attention?
I don't do what I do for attention.
Do you really think that my claims of Vindication are 'being defensive' that it's for attention?
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
::
::
Vindication for Roleplaying Substitution
2013, Fri. Jun. 07, 7:40 P.M.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 11:29 pm 
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We must invent teleportation!
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Posts: 718
Location: Idaho, Wisconsin
One Cuil = One level of abstraction away from the reality of a situation.

Example: You ask me for a Hamburger.

1 Cuil: if you asked me for a hamburger, and I gave you a raccoon.

2 Cuils: If you asked me for a hamburger, but it turns out I don't really exist. Where I was originally standing, a picture of a hamburger rests on the ground.

3 Cuils: You awake as a hamburger. You start screaming only to have special sauce fly from your lips. The world is in sepia.

4 Cuils: Why are we speaking German? A mime cries softly as he cradles a young cow. Your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart into patties. You look down only to see me with pickles for eyes, I am singing the song that gives birth to the universe.

5 Cuils: You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.

6 Cuils: You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.

7 Cuils: I give you a hamburger. The universe is engulfed within itself. A bus advertising hotdogs drives by a papillon. It disapproves. An unnatural force reverses Earth's gravity. You ask for a hamburger. I reciprocate with a mildly convulsing potato. You disapprove. Your disapproval releases a cosmic shift in the void between birth and life. You ask for a hamburger. A certain small dog feasts on hamburger patties for the rest of its unnatural, eternal endurance. Your constant disapproval sends silence through everything. A contrived beast becomes omnipotent. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger your body becomes an unsettled blob of nothingness, then divides by three. The papillon barks. The universe realigns itself. You, the papillon, and the hamburger disapprove. This condemnation stops the realignment. Hades freezes over. A pig is launched is launched into the unoccupied existence between space and time with a specific hamburger. You ask for a hamburger. I give you a hamburger. It screams as you lift it to your face. You laugh maniacally as I plead with you. You devour the hamburger as it pleads for mercy. I disapprove and condemn you to an eternity in a certain void where a certain pig and its specific hamburger are located. The Universal Space-time Continuum Committee disapproves of my irrational decision. You are locked away and are fed hamburgers for the rest of your natural existence. A pickle refuses to break down during the process of digestion. You die in a freak accident. A certain pickle lives the rest of its life in a comatose state. Your soul disapproves. Down the street a child cries as a hamburger gets stuck in, and climbs back up, her esophagus. You ask again for a hamburger. I refuse to reciprocate. You demand a lawyer. I remind you harshly that this is the new world order. Lawyers no longer exist. Only papillons. Your name is written on a list of sins. Blasphemy. You ask for a hamburger. The comatose pickle vanquishes your soul from this universe. Realignment occurs. You beg for a hamburger. A certain papillon's name is written on an obelisk in Egypt. Mumble. Peasants worship the obelisk. Your soulless corpse partakes in the festivity. Hamburgers are banned universally. The sun implodes. All planets cease to have ever existed. Mercury. Venus. Earth. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. Pluto is the only mass in existence. Conveniently, you are on vacation here. Your need for hamburgers re-establishes space-time. Earth is recreated under your intergalactic rule. Hamburgers are your army. You wake up. Clowns. Clowns everywhere. Your dream rushes to meet you. You are kidnapped. You ask for a hamburger. They hand you a hotdog.


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 Post subject: muddled namesake
PostPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2013 10:14 pm 
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newcomer
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Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 9:45 pm
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Location: Could not simultaneously derive speed and origin.
Schroedingers Cat wrote:
5 Cuils: You ask for a hamburger, I give you a hamburger. You raise it to your lips and take a bite. Your eye twitches involuntarily. Across the street a father of three falls down the stairs. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. I give you a hamburger. You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands. You cannot swallow. There are children at the top of the stairs. A pickle shifts uneasily under the bun. I give you a hamburger. You look at my face, and I am pleading with you. The children are crying now. You raise the hamburger to your lips, tears stream down your face as you take a bite. I give you a hamburger. You are on your knees. You plead with me to go across the street. I hear only children's laughter. I give you a hamburger. You are screaming as you fall down the stairs. I am your child. You cannot see anything. You take a bite of the hamburger. The concrete rushes up to meet you. You awake with a start in your own bed. Your eye twitches involuntarily. I give you a hamburger. As you kill me, I do not make a sound. I give you a hamburger.
..
Thanks for reminding me that I'm not as crazy as I think I am.
I'm still trying to log back onto the forums so I can remove this placeholder post and resume ZZT community participation on a normal... operational field of reality... apparently this is about.
I wanted to see how it would look with full PHPBBv3 BBCode functionality.
I could not get around to taking it back off before it would draw attention...

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PostPosted: Tue May 26, 2015 7:43 pm 
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;-*
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bump


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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2015 12:03 am 
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We must invent teleportation!
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thanks for the bump, mooseka. this thread was in serious danger of falling off the front page.
:keen:


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PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2015 3:18 pm 
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fgsdfs
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Yep. That was certainly something.

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