The "How You Once Were" Thread
Moderator: Quantum P.
1993
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: OH MAN I GOT THIS GAME - SECRET OF CANNIBAL ISLE ON THE BBS - I LOVE JASON JUICE HE IS MY BROTHER'S FRIEND AND HE HAS SHOWN US THIS GAME AND I LOVE IT
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: WHAT THE FUCK TO I KNOW. I'M LIKE TEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. I AM GOING TO A MAGNET SCHOOL - AND AL THE OTHER KIDS ARE STILL STUPIDER THAN ME - THE DIFFERENCE IS THEIR DADDIES ARE RICH AND THEIR MOMMIES HAVE BEEN SHOWING THEM PORN, SO THEY'RE GENERALLY COOLER AND MORE EMOTIONALLY MATURE THAN ME - JUST LIKE GOING TO REGULAR FUCKING SCHOOL. tHE BIG DIFFERENCE IS THE TEACHERS ARE TEACHING ME COOL SHIT.
1994
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: PRODIGY AND COMPUSERVE HAVE LITTLE ZZT COMMUNITIES. I JOIN - MY GRANDFATHER, WHOM WE VISIT ONCE A YEAR, HAS ACCESS TO BOTH BBS SYSTEMS AND I SPEND A WEEK COMMUNICATING WITH OTHER ZZTERS. DURING THAT WEEK I CREATE A SINGLE, MAGNIFICENT GAME - "BETTER TOWN" - IT IS PROMPTLY REJECTED.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I SPEND PART OF FIFTH GRADE HERE AT MAGNET SCHOOL - THE TEACHER IS NOT AS COOL AS LAST YEARS' TEACHER, BUT HE'S STILL FUCKIGN COOL. THEN I LEAVE TO GO TO TEXAS, THE LAND GOVEREND BY DUBYA HIMSELF. TEXAS IS THE WORST PLACE TO SPEND FIFTH GRADE. EVER. UNLESS YOUR NAME IS BRANDON NAHTE, AND YOU CAN DROWN YOUR SORROW IN PRECIOUS NUTMEG. I WISH I WAS BACK AT THE MAGNET SCHOOL - AT LEAST NOBODY BROUGHT KNIVES TO SCHOOL THERE.
1995
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: MY SISTER DELETES ZZT BECAUSE "SHE NEEDS MORE ROOM ON THE COMPUTER FOR SCHOOL" I TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT 800 KILOBYTES WOULD NOT HAVE MADE ANY FUCKING DIFFERENCE. SHE SAYS "WELL IT'S STILL SOMETHING" THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE, SO NO POINT ARGUING. I HAVE NO INTERNET - DON'T HAVE ANY WAY TO GET ZZT BACK - MY FRIEND RYAN HAS ACCESS TO A BBS BUT ALL HE DOES IS DOWNLOAD THE FULL VERSIONS OF EVERY COMMANDER KEEN GAME. WE PLAY COMMANDER KEEN INSTEAD. I CONSIDER IT A GOOD TRADEOFF.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: WHY THE HELL AM I STILL IN TEXAS. I BEGIN PRACTICING THE PIANO CONSTANTLY BECAUSE I HATE EVERYTHING ELSE.
1996
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: I HAVE NO INTERNET, AND NO ZZT. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I BECOME A RECLUSE - MY PARENTS TAKE ME OUT OF SCHOOL AND I PRACTICE THE PIANO ALL DAY. I BECOME A CHILD ACTOR AND STAR IN A COUPEL LOCAL TELEVISION COMMERCIALS. I JOIN A THEATRE TROUPE, AND THERE ARE PEOPLE (TWO OF THEM) THERE THAT ARE NOT DUMB. THEY BECOME MY FRIENDS. ONE OF THEM LOSES HIS VIRGINITY, BECOMES A POTHEAD, AND IS GENERALLY REBELLIOUS THAT YEAR. THE OTHER ONE REMAINS COMPLETELY STRAIGHTEDGE TO THIS DAY.
1997
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: OMG I HAVE THE INTERNET - WHY IS THERE NO ZZT ON THE INTERNET? I MEAN, THERE'S MONO'S BUSTIN' BARREL, AND VARIOUS REPOSITORIES OF ZZT GAMES, BUT NO ACTIVE
COMMUNITY?
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I QUIT ACTING, AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. PUBLIC SCHOOL IS SHITTY AND A WASTE OF MY TIME. I AM PROMPTED TO GO FUCKALL INSANE. I NARROWLY ESCAPE MY FIRST INSTITUTIONALIZATION.
1998
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: WHAT IS THIS ZZT.ORG? THIS IS GREAT! WHY DIDN'T THIS COME UP ON THE SEARCH ENGINES BEFORE? WOW, THIS GAME CHRONO WARS IS PRETTY GOOD. THERE'S SEVEN VOLUMES? CRAZY! BEGIN MAKING A POKEMON CLONE WITH 42 CAPTURABLE POKEMON. BEGIN WORKING ON EPIC ADVENTURE GAME "WORLD"
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: SCHOOL GETS BETTER - I CUT SCHOOL TO GO TO WALES FOR A WHILE - EVERY GREEN, LOTS OF SHEEP, AND PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE PRETTY NICE - RELUCTANT FOR AMERICANS TO MOVE IN BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID WE'LL STEAL JOBS. SPEND A LITTLE TIME IN LONDON, AND FALL IN LOVE WITH THE TOWN. ACQUIRE AN ACCENT. I COME HOME TO DISCOVER THAT MY TEACHERS DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU LEAVE CLASS FOR A COUPLE MONTHS. WHAT HAD BEEN A PRETTY GOOD YEAR GOES DOWN THE SHIT WHEN THE WRESTLING COACH/BIOLOGY TEACHER BEGINS MARKING ALL MY ANSWERS ON ALL MY WORK WRONG - EVEN WHEN EVERYTHING IS RIGHT. I TALK TO THE ADMINISTRATORS - THE FINAL IS GRADED BY ANOTHER TEACHER, AND IT'S DISCOVERED I ACED IT. I MAKE AN ENEMY OF MY ENGLISH TEACHER - AN INCOMPETENT SPINSTER WHO DOESN'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT POETRY OR LITERATURE. GOOD STUDENTS BECOME TEACHERS, BUT THE QUALITIES OF A GOOD STUDENT INHERENTLY MAKE A BAD TEACHER. I TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO HER. APPARANTLY OTHER PEOPLE DON'T LIKE HER EITHER, AS SHE IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO TEACH NEXT YEAR - INSTEAD SHE BECOMES AN ADMINSTRATOR.
1999
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: EVERYONE ON ZZT.ORG HATES ME. EVERYONE SAYS MY GAMES LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE CHRONO WARS. THEY ARE, HOWEVER, ASTOUNDED BY MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF ZZT-OOP. KOOPO BECOMES UPSET AND SLAPS ME LIKE THE SKINNY ASIAN FAGGOT BITCH HE IS: LIMP-WRISTEDLY AND WHOLLY INEFFECTIVELY. I MAKE FUN OF TSENG BECAUSE WHEN I TOUCH THE WALLS IN HIS "STUPID" GAME "NOVEMEBER EVE" IT SAYS "YOUR WAY IS BLOCKED BY WATER" AND THAT IN MY WORLD MEANS HIS GAME IS SHITTY. I AM BANNED FROM #DD OVER A HUNDRED TIMES THIS YEAR. CHUCK DUBS ME THE WORST NEWBIE EVER, AND I PROMISE TO BECOME THE "NEXT VIOVIS!"
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: SCHOOL IS LOOKING UP THIS YEAR. I REALIZE THAT THERE ARE GIRLS THAT LIKE ME, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT - IT'S UTAH, AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE GURLS UNTIL YOU'RE 16. I GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL - THE INCOMPETENT SPINSTER SIGNS THE PAPERS. COLUMBINE HAS EVERYONE SCARED AND I AM LABELED A "RISK". I FUCKING SHOW THEM. I TAKE 12 HOURS OF CLASSES A DAY AT AN ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL AND GRADUATE THAT SEMESTER - TWO AND A HALF FUCKIGN YEARS EARLY. I GOT A 4.0 THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE. I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL JUST AFTER MY 16TH BIRTHDAY - AM THE ONLY HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR I KNOW WHO IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE. I GO PSYCHO, AND THEY TRY TO INSTITUTIONALIZE ME. MY PARENTS GET A SECOND OPINION AND I AM COACHED BY A FRIEND OF MINE (WHO'D BEEN TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL) ON WHAT LIES TO TELL THEM TO KEEP THEM FROM LOCKING ME UP. I NARROWLY ESCAPE IT A SECOND TIME.
2000
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: GODDAMN I AM THE MAN. I MAKE ALL MY POPULAR GAMES (BANANA QUEST, VO4, RUN-ON, THE ROSE) THIS YEAR. I JOIN ERI AND THEN IF AND AFTER BQ IS GLOSSED OVER FOR GOTM I WIN FOR THE TECHNICALLY INFERIOR BUT BETTER-HYPED "VOYAGE OF FOUR". ALSO KNIGHTT AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE STILL HATES ME. I MAKE A FEW REALLY REALLY GREAT 24HOZ ENTRIES, BUT LOSE EACH TIME, MOSTLY BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE CONVINCED I CREATE THE GAMES BEFOREHAND AND NOT IN THE ALLOTTED TIME. THEY ARE MISTAKEN, BUT MY LITTLE ANGSTING HEART IS BROKEN. INCREASED DISILLUSTIONMENT WITH ZZT.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I AM GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL - GOT MY DIPLOMA AND EVERYTHING. I EVEN TRANSFERED MY CREDIT BACK TO THE SCHOOL WHERE I WAS KICKED OUT - I WALKED WITH THE CLASS OF 2000, AND I WAS NOT EVEN LEGALLY ALLOWED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS! GO ME. NOW WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? MY DAD ADVISES ME AGAINST A CAREER IN MUSIC. SO I LEARN MULTIVARIATE STATISTICS AND TAKE A JOB AS AN ANALYST AT A TOP MARKET RESEARCH FIRM. I LEARN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WORK A 14 HOUR DAY AND HAVE YOUR BOSS TELL YOU "WRITE DOWN 8 HOURS - WE'RE NOT AUTHORIZED TO BILL OVERTIME ON THIS PROJECT" AND DO THAT DAY IN, DAY OUT, SOMETIEMS SIX DAYS A WEEK.
2001
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: KNIGHTT REALLY HATES ME NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHY. ALL THE #/MEFALLSOVER AND #MOFO FELLOWS HATE ME AS WELL. ALL I'VE EVER BEEN IS NICE, SO I ANGST ABOUT THIS. ESPECIALLY ABOUT FISHFOOD HATING ME. ONCE HE STARTED SMOKING WEED, HE BECAME ANGRY AT EVERYONE. I ANGST AND BEGIN A CRUSADE AGAINST DRUGS. I RELEASE RUN=ON AND WIN BACK-TO-BACK GOTMS. I AM ZZTER OF THE YEAR THIS YEAR, BUT BY GOLLY, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. I ANGST SOME MORE.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I AM STILL SLAVING OVER A HOT DESK. I AM MAKING SOME MONEY AND SAVING IT ALL BECAUSE I'M 17 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN PEOPLE WHATSOEVER. I BECOME DESPERATELY LONELY AND INSANE - I STOP READING BOOKS, AND I START THINKING OUT LOUD ALL THE TIME. WHEN I'M JUST SAYING WHATEVER COMES TO MY HEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF CHURCH, INTERRUPTING THE SPEAKER, THERE'S A KID MY AGE WHO STOPS ME. HE'S NOT DUMB EITHER. WE TALK ABOUT STUFF AND HE'S COOL. MY LONELINESS SUBSIDES, THEN HE DIES. JUST UP AND DIES OF A SEIZURE. HURRAY.
2002
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT DIES. I FUCK WITH THE 24HOZ BECAUSE THEY WON'T LET ME WIN - THEY KEEP SAYING I'M CHEATING SO A COUPLE QUARTERS IN A ROW I HOST AN "ALTERNATIVE" OCMPETITION WHERE I FUCKED WITH THE RULES. ALMOST EVERY 24HOZ SINCE HAS KEPT SOME SEMBLANCE OF THE RULES I CREATED - I CREATED THEM TO DESTROY THE 24HOZ COMPETITION AS WE KNEW IT. I SUCCEEDED, BUT ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS LOVE. ZZT IS DEAD, BUT I LIKE MAKING GAMES.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I QUIT MY JOB. I DISCOVER WOMAN. I GET TAIL. I GO TO COLLEGE. I WEAR DREADLOCKS AND PEOPLE START CALLING ME THE "WANDERING PROPHET." I AM DEEP AND I DRESS WELL, I AM CONFIDENT WITH MYSELF BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT PUSSY TASTES LIKE. PEOPLE RESPOND WELL.
2003
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT IS STILL FUCKING DEAD. FUCK YOU GUYS. I HAVE NOW BEEN A NEWBIE FOR JUST OVER A DECADE. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I SPEND ALL MY MONEY ON WOMAN - LAUGHS IN MY FACE. I AM HOMELESS FOR A LITTLE WHILE THERE. I START TRYING TO REBUILD MY LIFE - I QUIT COLLEGE. PARENTS VERY DISAPPOINTED. I AM A TOTAL MAN WHORE. I SEX EVERYTHING THAT MOVES. PEOPLE STOP CALLING ME THE WANDERING PROPHET, MOSTLY BECAUSE I SPEND LITTLE TIME DOING ANYTHING BUT WORKING AND FUCKING. I HAVEN'T READ A BOOK IN THREE YEARS. TOWARD THE END I TURN MY LIFE AROUND.
2004
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT IS AS DEAD AS FUCKING DEAD CAN BE. SOMEONE CALLS ME AN OLDBIE THIS YEAR, I FORGET WHO. PEOPLE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE BLEEPITYBLOOP MUSIC AND SOMEONE EMAILED ME ABOUT A BUG IN RUN-ON. TOWARD THE END OF THE YEAR I THINK I FINALLY CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND AM CLOSEST TO COOL I'VE EVER BEEN.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: WORKING VARIOUS PHONE JOBS. I AM TURNING MY LIFE AROUND - GOING BACK TO CHURCH, NO LONGER DOING ONE NIGHT STANDS, MY RISK OF GETTING AIDS DROPS TO ZERO. I MEET A VERY NICE GIRL. SHE MAKES ME WANT TO BE YOUNG AGAIN, LIKE I WAS BEFORE I LOST MY INNOCENCE. WE GET ENGAGED ON CHRISTMAS NIGHT.
2005
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT'S SKELETON TWITCHES, THEN LAYS FLAT - MUCH LIKE MY BONER WHEN I SEE A WOMAN IN SHACKLES, ONLY TO CLICK THE THUMBNAIL AND DISCOVER SHE HAS THE FACE OF A HORSE.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I GET CURRENT JOB. I GET MARRIED. I FEEL YOUNG AND HAPPY AGAIN. I LEARN TO BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT, AND DISCOVER THAT YOU CAN SPEND YOUR FREE TIME DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MARRY AN OVERBEARING BITCH NAG. LUCKILY, I DIDN'T MARRY ONE OF THOSE (I MARRIED THE SWEETEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER) AND IF I WANT TO POST 6/11THS OF MY LIFE STORY ON THE INTERNET JUST FOR THE FUCK OF IT, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO, DAMN IT ALL.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: OH MAN I GOT THIS GAME - SECRET OF CANNIBAL ISLE ON THE BBS - I LOVE JASON JUICE HE IS MY BROTHER'S FRIEND AND HE HAS SHOWN US THIS GAME AND I LOVE IT
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: WHAT THE FUCK TO I KNOW. I'M LIKE TEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. I AM GOING TO A MAGNET SCHOOL - AND AL THE OTHER KIDS ARE STILL STUPIDER THAN ME - THE DIFFERENCE IS THEIR DADDIES ARE RICH AND THEIR MOMMIES HAVE BEEN SHOWING THEM PORN, SO THEY'RE GENERALLY COOLER AND MORE EMOTIONALLY MATURE THAN ME - JUST LIKE GOING TO REGULAR FUCKING SCHOOL. tHE BIG DIFFERENCE IS THE TEACHERS ARE TEACHING ME COOL SHIT.
1994
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: PRODIGY AND COMPUSERVE HAVE LITTLE ZZT COMMUNITIES. I JOIN - MY GRANDFATHER, WHOM WE VISIT ONCE A YEAR, HAS ACCESS TO BOTH BBS SYSTEMS AND I SPEND A WEEK COMMUNICATING WITH OTHER ZZTERS. DURING THAT WEEK I CREATE A SINGLE, MAGNIFICENT GAME - "BETTER TOWN" - IT IS PROMPTLY REJECTED.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I SPEND PART OF FIFTH GRADE HERE AT MAGNET SCHOOL - THE TEACHER IS NOT AS COOL AS LAST YEARS' TEACHER, BUT HE'S STILL FUCKIGN COOL. THEN I LEAVE TO GO TO TEXAS, THE LAND GOVEREND BY DUBYA HIMSELF. TEXAS IS THE WORST PLACE TO SPEND FIFTH GRADE. EVER. UNLESS YOUR NAME IS BRANDON NAHTE, AND YOU CAN DROWN YOUR SORROW IN PRECIOUS NUTMEG. I WISH I WAS BACK AT THE MAGNET SCHOOL - AT LEAST NOBODY BROUGHT KNIVES TO SCHOOL THERE.
1995
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: MY SISTER DELETES ZZT BECAUSE "SHE NEEDS MORE ROOM ON THE COMPUTER FOR SCHOOL" I TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT 800 KILOBYTES WOULD NOT HAVE MADE ANY FUCKING DIFFERENCE. SHE SAYS "WELL IT'S STILL SOMETHING" THE DAMAGE WAS ALREADY DONE, SO NO POINT ARGUING. I HAVE NO INTERNET - DON'T HAVE ANY WAY TO GET ZZT BACK - MY FRIEND RYAN HAS ACCESS TO A BBS BUT ALL HE DOES IS DOWNLOAD THE FULL VERSIONS OF EVERY COMMANDER KEEN GAME. WE PLAY COMMANDER KEEN INSTEAD. I CONSIDER IT A GOOD TRADEOFF.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: WHY THE HELL AM I STILL IN TEXAS. I BEGIN PRACTICING THE PIANO CONSTANTLY BECAUSE I HATE EVERYTHING ELSE.
1996
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: I HAVE NO INTERNET, AND NO ZZT. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I BECOME A RECLUSE - MY PARENTS TAKE ME OUT OF SCHOOL AND I PRACTICE THE PIANO ALL DAY. I BECOME A CHILD ACTOR AND STAR IN A COUPEL LOCAL TELEVISION COMMERCIALS. I JOIN A THEATRE TROUPE, AND THERE ARE PEOPLE (TWO OF THEM) THERE THAT ARE NOT DUMB. THEY BECOME MY FRIENDS. ONE OF THEM LOSES HIS VIRGINITY, BECOMES A POTHEAD, AND IS GENERALLY REBELLIOUS THAT YEAR. THE OTHER ONE REMAINS COMPLETELY STRAIGHTEDGE TO THIS DAY.
1997
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: OMG I HAVE THE INTERNET - WHY IS THERE NO ZZT ON THE INTERNET? I MEAN, THERE'S MONO'S BUSTIN' BARREL, AND VARIOUS REPOSITORIES OF ZZT GAMES, BUT NO ACTIVE
COMMUNITY?
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I QUIT ACTING, AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL. BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. PUBLIC SCHOOL IS SHITTY AND A WASTE OF MY TIME. I AM PROMPTED TO GO FUCKALL INSANE. I NARROWLY ESCAPE MY FIRST INSTITUTIONALIZATION.
1998
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: WHAT IS THIS ZZT.ORG? THIS IS GREAT! WHY DIDN'T THIS COME UP ON THE SEARCH ENGINES BEFORE? WOW, THIS GAME CHRONO WARS IS PRETTY GOOD. THERE'S SEVEN VOLUMES? CRAZY! BEGIN MAKING A POKEMON CLONE WITH 42 CAPTURABLE POKEMON. BEGIN WORKING ON EPIC ADVENTURE GAME "WORLD"
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: SCHOOL GETS BETTER - I CUT SCHOOL TO GO TO WALES FOR A WHILE - EVERY GREEN, LOTS OF SHEEP, AND PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE PRETTY NICE - RELUCTANT FOR AMERICANS TO MOVE IN BECAUSE THEY'RE AFRAID WE'LL STEAL JOBS. SPEND A LITTLE TIME IN LONDON, AND FALL IN LOVE WITH THE TOWN. ACQUIRE AN ACCENT. I COME HOME TO DISCOVER THAT MY TEACHERS DON'T LIKE IT WHEN YOU LEAVE CLASS FOR A COUPLE MONTHS. WHAT HAD BEEN A PRETTY GOOD YEAR GOES DOWN THE SHIT WHEN THE WRESTLING COACH/BIOLOGY TEACHER BEGINS MARKING ALL MY ANSWERS ON ALL MY WORK WRONG - EVEN WHEN EVERYTHING IS RIGHT. I TALK TO THE ADMINISTRATORS - THE FINAL IS GRADED BY ANOTHER TEACHER, AND IT'S DISCOVERED I ACED IT. I MAKE AN ENEMY OF MY ENGLISH TEACHER - AN INCOMPETENT SPINSTER WHO DOESN'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT POETRY OR LITERATURE. GOOD STUDENTS BECOME TEACHERS, BUT THE QUALITIES OF A GOOD STUDENT INHERENTLY MAKE A BAD TEACHER. I TRY TO EXPLAIN THIS TO HER. APPARANTLY OTHER PEOPLE DON'T LIKE HER EITHER, AS SHE IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO TEACH NEXT YEAR - INSTEAD SHE BECOMES AN ADMINSTRATOR.
1999
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: EVERYONE ON ZZT.ORG HATES ME. EVERYONE SAYS MY GAMES LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE CHRONO WARS. THEY ARE, HOWEVER, ASTOUNDED BY MY ENCYCLOPEDIC KNOWLEDGE OF ZZT-OOP. KOOPO BECOMES UPSET AND SLAPS ME LIKE THE SKINNY ASIAN FAGGOT BITCH HE IS: LIMP-WRISTEDLY AND WHOLLY INEFFECTIVELY. I MAKE FUN OF TSENG BECAUSE WHEN I TOUCH THE WALLS IN HIS "STUPID" GAME "NOVEMEBER EVE" IT SAYS "YOUR WAY IS BLOCKED BY WATER" AND THAT IN MY WORLD MEANS HIS GAME IS SHITTY. I AM BANNED FROM #DD OVER A HUNDRED TIMES THIS YEAR. CHUCK DUBS ME THE WORST NEWBIE EVER, AND I PROMISE TO BECOME THE "NEXT VIOVIS!"
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: SCHOOL IS LOOKING UP THIS YEAR. I REALIZE THAT THERE ARE GIRLS THAT LIKE ME, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT - IT'S UTAH, AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE GURLS UNTIL YOU'RE 16. I GET KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL - THE INCOMPETENT SPINSTER SIGNS THE PAPERS. COLUMBINE HAS EVERYONE SCARED AND I AM LABELED A "RISK". I FUCKING SHOW THEM. I TAKE 12 HOURS OF CLASSES A DAY AT AN ALTERNATIVE SCHOOL AND GRADUATE THAT SEMESTER - TWO AND A HALF FUCKIGN YEARS EARLY. I GOT A 4.0 THE WHOLE TIME I WAS THERE. I FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL JUST AFTER MY 16TH BIRTHDAY - AM THE ONLY HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR I KNOW WHO IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE. I GO PSYCHO, AND THEY TRY TO INSTITUTIONALIZE ME. MY PARENTS GET A SECOND OPINION AND I AM COACHED BY A FRIEND OF MINE (WHO'D BEEN TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL) ON WHAT LIES TO TELL THEM TO KEEP THEM FROM LOCKING ME UP. I NARROWLY ESCAPE IT A SECOND TIME.
2000
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: GODDAMN I AM THE MAN. I MAKE ALL MY POPULAR GAMES (BANANA QUEST, VO4, RUN-ON, THE ROSE) THIS YEAR. I JOIN ERI AND THEN IF AND AFTER BQ IS GLOSSED OVER FOR GOTM I WIN FOR THE TECHNICALLY INFERIOR BUT BETTER-HYPED "VOYAGE OF FOUR". ALSO KNIGHTT AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE STILL HATES ME. I MAKE A FEW REALLY REALLY GREAT 24HOZ ENTRIES, BUT LOSE EACH TIME, MOSTLY BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE CONVINCED I CREATE THE GAMES BEFOREHAND AND NOT IN THE ALLOTTED TIME. THEY ARE MISTAKEN, BUT MY LITTLE ANGSTING HEART IS BROKEN. INCREASED DISILLUSTIONMENT WITH ZZT.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I AM GRADUATED FROM HIGH SCHOOL - GOT MY DIPLOMA AND EVERYTHING. I EVEN TRANSFERED MY CREDIT BACK TO THE SCHOOL WHERE I WAS KICKED OUT - I WALKED WITH THE CLASS OF 2000, AND I WAS NOT EVEN LEGALLY ALLOWED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS! GO ME. NOW WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? MY DAD ADVISES ME AGAINST A CAREER IN MUSIC. SO I LEARN MULTIVARIATE STATISTICS AND TAKE A JOB AS AN ANALYST AT A TOP MARKET RESEARCH FIRM. I LEARN WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WORK A 14 HOUR DAY AND HAVE YOUR BOSS TELL YOU "WRITE DOWN 8 HOURS - WE'RE NOT AUTHORIZED TO BILL OVERTIME ON THIS PROJECT" AND DO THAT DAY IN, DAY OUT, SOMETIEMS SIX DAYS A WEEK.
2001
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: KNIGHTT REALLY HATES ME NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHY. ALL THE #/MEFALLSOVER AND #MOFO FELLOWS HATE ME AS WELL. ALL I'VE EVER BEEN IS NICE, SO I ANGST ABOUT THIS. ESPECIALLY ABOUT FISHFOOD HATING ME. ONCE HE STARTED SMOKING WEED, HE BECAME ANGRY AT EVERYONE. I ANGST AND BEGIN A CRUSADE AGAINST DRUGS. I RELEASE RUN=ON AND WIN BACK-TO-BACK GOTMS. I AM ZZTER OF THE YEAR THIS YEAR, BUT BY GOLLY, NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. I ANGST SOME MORE.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I AM STILL SLAVING OVER A HOT DESK. I AM MAKING SOME MONEY AND SAVING IT ALL BECAUSE I'M 17 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T HAVE ANY INTEREST IN PEOPLE WHATSOEVER. I BECOME DESPERATELY LONELY AND INSANE - I STOP READING BOOKS, AND I START THINKING OUT LOUD ALL THE TIME. WHEN I'M JUST SAYING WHATEVER COMES TO MY HEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF CHURCH, INTERRUPTING THE SPEAKER, THERE'S A KID MY AGE WHO STOPS ME. HE'S NOT DUMB EITHER. WE TALK ABOUT STUFF AND HE'S COOL. MY LONELINESS SUBSIDES, THEN HE DIES. JUST UP AND DIES OF A SEIZURE. HURRAY.
2002
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT DIES. I FUCK WITH THE 24HOZ BECAUSE THEY WON'T LET ME WIN - THEY KEEP SAYING I'M CHEATING SO A COUPLE QUARTERS IN A ROW I HOST AN "ALTERNATIVE" OCMPETITION WHERE I FUCKED WITH THE RULES. ALMOST EVERY 24HOZ SINCE HAS KEPT SOME SEMBLANCE OF THE RULES I CREATED - I CREATED THEM TO DESTROY THE 24HOZ COMPETITION AS WE KNEW IT. I SUCCEEDED, BUT ALL I REALLY WANTED WAS LOVE. ZZT IS DEAD, BUT I LIKE MAKING GAMES.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I QUIT MY JOB. I DISCOVER WOMAN. I GET TAIL. I GO TO COLLEGE. I WEAR DREADLOCKS AND PEOPLE START CALLING ME THE "WANDERING PROPHET." I AM DEEP AND I DRESS WELL, I AM CONFIDENT WITH MYSELF BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT PUSSY TASTES LIKE. PEOPLE RESPOND WELL.
2003
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT IS STILL FUCKING DEAD. FUCK YOU GUYS. I HAVE NOW BEEN A NEWBIE FOR JUST OVER A DECADE. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I SPEND ALL MY MONEY ON WOMAN - LAUGHS IN MY FACE. I AM HOMELESS FOR A LITTLE WHILE THERE. I START TRYING TO REBUILD MY LIFE - I QUIT COLLEGE. PARENTS VERY DISAPPOINTED. I AM A TOTAL MAN WHORE. I SEX EVERYTHING THAT MOVES. PEOPLE STOP CALLING ME THE WANDERING PROPHET, MOSTLY BECAUSE I SPEND LITTLE TIME DOING ANYTHING BUT WORKING AND FUCKING. I HAVEN'T READ A BOOK IN THREE YEARS. TOWARD THE END I TURN MY LIFE AROUND.
2004
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT IS AS DEAD AS FUCKING DEAD CAN BE. SOMEONE CALLS ME AN OLDBIE THIS YEAR, I FORGET WHO. PEOPLE LIKE IT WHEN I MAKE BLEEPITYBLOOP MUSIC AND SOMEONE EMAILED ME ABOUT A BUG IN RUN-ON. TOWARD THE END OF THE YEAR I THINK I FINALLY CHILL THE FUCK OUT AND AM CLOSEST TO COOL I'VE EVER BEEN.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: WORKING VARIOUS PHONE JOBS. I AM TURNING MY LIFE AROUND - GOING BACK TO CHURCH, NO LONGER DOING ONE NIGHT STANDS, MY RISK OF GETTING AIDS DROPS TO ZERO. I MEET A VERY NICE GIRL. SHE MAKES ME WANT TO BE YOUNG AGAIN, LIKE I WAS BEFORE I LOST MY INNOCENCE. WE GET ENGAGED ON CHRISTMAS NIGHT.
2005
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ZZT: ZZT'S SKELETON TWITCHES, THEN LAYS FLAT - MUCH LIKE MY BONER WHEN I SEE A WOMAN IN SHACKLES, ONLY TO CLICK THE THUMBNAIL AND DISCOVER SHE HAS THE FACE OF A HORSE.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING ELSE: I GET CURRENT JOB. I GET MARRIED. I FEEL YOUNG AND HAPPY AGAIN. I LEARN TO BE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT, AND DISCOVER THAT YOU CAN SPEND YOUR FREE TIME DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MARRY AN OVERBEARING BITCH NAG. LUCKILY, I DIDN'T MARRY ONE OF THOSE (I MARRIED THE SWEETEST GIRL IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER) AND IF I WANT TO POST 6/11THS OF MY LIFE STORY ON THE INTERNET JUST FOR THE FUCK OF IT, THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO, DAMN IT ALL.
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Zenith Nadir
- this is my hammer
- Posts: 2767
- Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2003 11:40 am
- Location: between the black and white spiders
-
http://yahoo.com/
- *shuggles*
- Posts: 393
- Joined: Mon Apr 26, 2004 5:11 am
- Location: in madtom land
-
Kjorteo
- ^o.O^
- Posts: 432
- Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2004 10:59 am
- Location: Kjorteoville or something
- Contact:
I don't know dates so I'll just put it in phases or something
Phase one: sup
Phase two: =^n_________n^=
Phase three: sup =^n_________n^=
Phase one: sup
Phase two: =^n_________n^=
Phase three: sup =^n_________n^=
ps yiffDr. Dos wrote:When Kjorteo joined it was all LA LA LA HOW ARE YOU THIS FINE DAY and such. Then we noticed he had a uh... a horrifying website. We pointed this out and laughed at it. His official response? NOTHING. He didn't care. He didn't take it personally and accuse of us being close minded idiots. This is why Kjorteo is z2's #1 furry.
Last edited by Kjorteo on Wed Dec 28, 2005 5:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
"You're alive," said the maker, and smiled at the aardvark.
<Kjorteo> "yiff"
<gbelo> Wanna yiff.
<Kjorteo> yes
<gbelo> No no no.
<Kjorteo> "yiff"
<gbelo> Wanna yiff.
<Kjorteo> yes
<gbelo> No no no.
-
Kjorteo
- ^o.O^
- Posts: 432
- Joined: Sat Feb 28, 2004 10:59 am
- Location: Kjorteoville or something
- Contact:
Also, as far as ZZT goes:
Old Adventure of Sam:
I hate the Spice Girls and I hate Barney and I hate those Wonder Years reruns on Nick at Nite and I have a couple internet friends that are awesome enough to put a game. I'M SURE NONE OF THIS WILL BECOME DATED LATER. Also I don't know what this STK is of which you speak, but it's not the same thing as yellow borders if I made them solid walls, or if the're green normals, damnit
The lost years:
I toiled long and hard over projects that I kept starting over. My skills improved because I wouldn't stop making things, but nothing ever saw the light of day. So it's like how Jesus went from 13 to 30 in the Bible. Kjorteo disappeared for years, and then suddenly HE WAS A MAN.
New and improved:
I made ZZT Pro to teach people all the retarded things I actually did back in Adventure of Sam! Also I won some WoZs just to officially say I MADE STUFF and get out of the lost years thing.
New Adventure of Sam:
I'm working on it, I swear
Old Adventure of Sam:
I hate the Spice Girls and I hate Barney and I hate those Wonder Years reruns on Nick at Nite and I have a couple internet friends that are awesome enough to put a game. I'M SURE NONE OF THIS WILL BECOME DATED LATER. Also I don't know what this STK is of which you speak, but it's not the same thing as yellow borders if I made them solid walls, or if the're green normals, damnit
The lost years:
I toiled long and hard over projects that I kept starting over. My skills improved because I wouldn't stop making things, but nothing ever saw the light of day. So it's like how Jesus went from 13 to 30 in the Bible. Kjorteo disappeared for years, and then suddenly HE WAS A MAN.
New and improved:
I made ZZT Pro to teach people all the retarded things I actually did back in Adventure of Sam! Also I won some WoZs just to officially say I MADE STUFF and get out of the lost years thing.
New Adventure of Sam:
I'm working on it, I swear
"You're alive," said the maker, and smiled at the aardvark.
<Kjorteo> "yiff"
<gbelo> Wanna yiff.
<Kjorteo> yes
<gbelo> No no no.
<Kjorteo> "yiff"
<gbelo> Wanna yiff.
<Kjorteo> yes
<gbelo> No no no.
Well, you say that I treat you like a book on a shelf
I don't take you out that often
'Cause I know that I completed you
And that's why you are here
That's the reason you stay here
How awful that must feel
You said you'd be my dream
I could have you every night
And if by morning I'd forgotten you
Well, no big deal, that'd be all right
'Cause you're the re-occuring kind
You are the re-occuring kind
You never really leave my mind
Are you the love of my lifetime
'Cause there's been times I've had my doubts
We were just kids when I first kissed you
In the attic of my parents' house
And I wish we were there now
I took so long to figure out
What this book has been about
Now I write when I'm away
Letters that you'll never read
You said 'Go explore those other women
The geography of their bodies
But there's just one map you'll need
You're a boomerang you'll see
You will return to me
Yeah you will you will you will'
Well, if you don't think this book's all lies
If you don't think my plans would all be ruined
I'll start drinking like the way I drank before
And I just won't have a future anymore
I don't take you out that often
'Cause I know that I completed you
And that's why you are here
That's the reason you stay here
How awful that must feel
You said you'd be my dream
I could have you every night
And if by morning I'd forgotten you
Well, no big deal, that'd be all right
'Cause you're the re-occuring kind
You are the re-occuring kind
You never really leave my mind
Are you the love of my lifetime
'Cause there's been times I've had my doubts
We were just kids when I first kissed you
In the attic of my parents' house
And I wish we were there now
I took so long to figure out
What this book has been about
Now I write when I'm away
Letters that you'll never read
You said 'Go explore those other women
The geography of their bodies
But there's just one map you'll need
You're a boomerang you'll see
You will return to me
Yeah you will you will you will'
Well, if you don't think this book's all lies
If you don't think my plans would all be ruined
I'll start drinking like the way I drank before
And I just won't have a future anymore